Page 249 of Coal Hearts

Cavernously, gale-howlingly empty.

The numbness spread as Dr Belford tended to me.

Exhausted anaesthesia crept over me, bringing listlessness and coldness as she cleaned the cut on my upper thigh and gently placed a plaster over it.

I was detached and paralysed.

But I didn’t cry.

Didn’t cry as the blanket was once again tucked under my chin and held in place by Peter. I didn’t cry as Dr Belford packed away her things and asked if I wanted any drugs to dull the pain.

“No drugs,” Peter said. “Ever. Put that on her file or whatever notes you keep on us. No drugs, got it?” He shuddered and shook his head. “I-I gave her psilocybin. She reacted poorly. She’s still suffering and it’s all my fucking fault.”

“Your fault?” Dr Belford laughed tragically. “None of this is your fault, Pete.”

He looked away. “I shouldn’t have forced her to take one. I thought...I thought I was protecting her. That she’d slip away like the rest of us. Have a little trip into fantasy land and come back to earth when it was all over.”

“Didn’t she?” Dr Belford frowned, then shone a pen torch into my eyes.

I didn’t even flinch.

Didn’t cry.

Didn’t cry.

“Her pupils are heavily dilated.”

“Will she be okay?” Peter asked, his voice cracking with guilt.

“She’ll be fine. She just needs to sleep it off.”

“Yeah, for the two hours left of the night.”

Dr Belford stepped away. “I guess you better get to sleep quickly then. You both need some rest.”

Peter nodded and went to unwrap me from my cocoon.

“Wait.” Dr Belford placed a hand on his bare arm, studying the cuts she’d already tended on his skin. “You’re shaking, Pete. Did something else happen?”

He scoffed under his breath. “Nothing that will kill me. Unfortunately.”

“Did Victor make you serve again?” Her lips twisted in disgust. “Knowing what Master K did to you?”

“He doesn’t know. He never wants to know. He sees I’m still standing, and he’s satisfied.” He hung his head. “And don’t worry. He only made me blow him. That I can handle. Nothing a little finger down my throat when I get back to our quarters won’t fix. At least he didn’t fuck me. That...that would’ve been agonising.”

With a wince, Dr Belford whispered, “Use that numbing cream I gave you. Rub it in. I know you have a thing against suppositories but I’m telling you—”

“I have enough people sticking things up my ass without me joining in.” Peter chuckled blackly.

“Regardless, insert one for the next few days, and whatever tearing you’re suffering from will heal far quicker.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved her concern away. “I’ll survive. I always do.”

Not believing him, Dr Belford glanced at me. “Did her Master have intercourse with her?”

“Yep.” Peter shuddered. “Hard.”

Cupping my chin, Dr Belford filled my faltering vision. “Did you split? I’m aware Peter doesn’t want to give you any more drugs, but I have others as well as psychostimulants. Paracetamol, ibuprofen, codeine. I even have liquid morphine...when the occasion calls for it.”