Page 51 of Playboy’s Purgatory

Lara sat like a fucking pro too. I knew she would from the moment she saw the sketch on my wall and her eyes lit up and went soft at the same time.

I trace the path again, my fingers tips brushing a little deeper along her ribcage. It earns me a shiver from her; it feels like winning a war.

“I don’t know how far on your ribcage I’ll go. It’s painful here and there’s no need to push it too far when most of the vine can snake up your back,” my words are hypnotic and my eyes stick to where I’m touching her.

When Lara sucks in a sharp breath, my eyes snap up and meet hers in the mirror. Awkwardly, I clear my throat and take a step back. I miss being close to her, but I’m not going to push her.

Not now.

As we get settled in and I start working, the air is tense. It usually is, at first, when she’s around me again. If given long enough, she starts to let down her guard. Just a little; I wouldn’t want to get ahead of myself.

When she’s not around me, she’s able to build her walls back up. What she doesn’t understand, what I’m only starting to really grasp, is that I’m willing to chip away at that wall.

No matter how thick it is. No matter how many times she rebuilds it.

I glance up at the frame on the wall and smile to myself. When she looked at it the day that she came storming into my shop, I knew it was meant for her.

It was something that came to me in a dream, already formed and waiting for the right canvas. The woman in my dream, the one who danced through patches of light with that tattoo, was blonde but the rest of it is hazy. That was long before Lara moved to Dogwood Ridge. Still, snatches of the dream have been nagging at me.

When the silence stretches too long between us, I can’t help but ask, “How is Vanessa?”

Lara cuts her eyes at me, but I stay focused. I’m not just asking to make small talk, even though that is part of it. I’m asking because I’m genuinely curious.

I haven’t seen Vanessa since the night I took Dolly’s over to their place. I’ve thought about stopping in and seeing her, but I wasn’t sure if I would be crossing a boundary that I’m not aware of.

Talk about the last thing I want to do.

“Why?” I’m not sure how one word can be filled with so much suspicious malice, but Lara manages it.

“I like her,” I tell Lara honestly. “Vanessa is smart and sassy, but she’s also kind and feels very deeply.” I don’t look up while answering her question. While I’d love to look into her eyes, I’m afraid I’ll kiss her if I do. “I’m not judging either of you or making any trouble.”

I hope she can hear the truth in my words. The last thing I want to do is to hurt Vanessa or inflict any more pain on Lara. I’ve done enough of that already.

It’s not like I don’t understand why Lara is getting defensive. I spent far too long showing her all the reasons not to trust me.

Lara doesn’t relax completely and studies my face as I slightly curl my shoulders inward while focusing on the work. Being this close to her isn’t helping me at all. She smells sweet like sugar and vanilla.

I can almost taste her on my tongue and it’s making my mouth water.

‘You’re not using her as your path to redemption, are you?” Lara’s tone isn’t malicious, but I can feel the threat she’s not voicing.

I better not be using her daughter to get to her. It’s not a bad leap to make, but that’s not what I’m doing. Well, at least, not completely.

I let out a long sigh as I wipe away some excess ink and stretch my back a little as I sit up. The strain of sitting and curling my body into one position or another isn’t nothing. Aches and pains are normal. It’s one of the reasons I make sure to stay on top of my workout routine.

And because the ladies love it.

But I haven’t even looked at another woman since before the BBQ blowup, which is what I’m now, affectionately, calling it.

“I’ll admit that is part of it,” my voice is full of reluctance, but telling half-truths isn’t going to help me with a woman like Lara, not after what I did. “I do need to make things up to her because she was used as evidence by Lola which was never fair to Vanessa. Or you.”

Lara looks at me for a long moment, like she’s trying to find the lie. She won’t find it.

“I also know how much Vanessa means to you. I’m not trying to soften you through her, not really, but I’m also not stupid enough to think I’ll make any headway if I ignore her or try to pretend like I didn’t hurt her either,” the words sound raw as they leave my mouth.

Because I know I hurt Vanessa. Intentions don’t matter; only the result does. I’m not on a mission to just make things right with Lara.

“Vanessa deserves kindness, understanding, and to feel safe in the place that is now her home,” I murmur the words, trying to keep my focus on my work instead of studying Lara’s face.