Page 52 of My Ex’s Dad

I can’t be in this predicament then. I refuse to burden her with the expectation to offer me her apartment with a newborn. And the bakery can’t afford to be short-staffed again. I need to be here, to work, especially with my parents unable to be here.

Something will need to give, though.

I need to project further ahead and be prepared to welcome this baby on my own. Even with Jenni’s help, I’ll be forced into the situation of being a single mother.

Because the alternative is just not happening.

Any time I try to rehearse how I’d tell Anton I’m pregnant with his child, I’m dragged right back to the memory of him complaining about Roman. About how he can’t trust him with the leadership of the Bratva. How he wants an heir he can rely on, a child who wouldn’t disappoint him.

That’s how Anton would see our baby. Not as a precious life, but as a thing, an employee, someone to expect servitude from. It’s sort of what I’m doing here, busting my butt for my parents’ bakery, but they never forced this on me. They never ordered me to do it to appease them.

If I had wanted to go into something else in college, they would’ve supported me going after my dreams. That’s how I want to raise my child, too, with unconditional love. Something that Anton hasn’t ever shown Roman.

Then again, I can’t blame him.

Roman shouldn’t necessarily have to earn his father’s love. No child should. But that doesn’t absolve him of how he’s taken advantage of his father either. By never respecting him, never trying to do anything for himself while he waits for an easy way through life, Roman hasn’t deserved anything from Anton.

I shake my head, catching myself from spiraling down with these thoughts again.

I can’t focus on Anton. Or how he still makes me miss his touch. Or how often I drift into naughty what-ifs, daydreaming about how good my life could be if I weren’t so nervous about starting a family with him. It’s foolish to get this far ahead of myself. I can’t picture him letting me have any control when he’s so set on owning all of it. I can’t tease myself with fantasies where he welcomes my opinions on raising this child when he’s so firmly the boss.

Margarita and Rob move toward the other side of the kitchen, laughing and in too deep with the music playing to hear what Jenni and I could say. She sidles up to me then, as if waiting for a chance to speak with me.

“Are you okay?” she whispers.

I nod and smile at her, then start back over with recounting the desserts in this box I’m on.

“Like really?” she asks again.

“Yes. What’s worrying you?” I glance at her, not losing my place in counting.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s just… I’m thinking ahead. If business stays like this, you can’t be working harder or more. Soon, you’ll need to anticipate a maternity leave, and…” She furrows her brow. “It’s got me thinking about if you’ve reconsidered telling Anton about the baby.”

Since she’s talking so quietly, I’m not anxious about the other two overhearing. But her saying those words out loud puts it out there. It’s a secret, but it can’t stay one indefinitely.

“I’ve already reconsidered. I almost told him yesterday, when he followed me home.”

Her brows pop up high. “Seriously? You saw him?”

I nod.

“And you didn’t say anything?”

I wince. “Not yet. But…I will. I have to.”

“What are you waiting for?” She laughs lightly, crossing her arms. “When I went to that first checkup with you, I kept thinking that it wasn’t my place. That he should have been there with you.”

“I’m waiting for the right words to come to me.” I set my clipboard down and sigh, facing her fully. “I don’t want him to take this over. To make all the decisions. Yes, he can know about the baby, but he’s not taking him or her from me.”

Her eyes go wide. “You think he would really do that?”

I shrug. “Just the possibility of it bothers me. And that’s what I’m stalling on. I need to figure out how to tell him this news on my terms, and make sure that he understands he’s not going to be the boss in this regard.”

“Well, you can’t wait too long,” she says.

“No, I can’t.”

“As much as I’m here for you and want to help, it’s not sustainable to do this alone.” Her cringe as she says it proves that she wishes it doesn’t have to be this hard. “Not when we’re doing all we can to save the bakery, you know?”