Page 60 of Mountain Men’s Nanny

Gunner and Lexi were preoccupied with ripping open the boxes that were left under the tree, all for Lexi, when Tobias handed Brie a small package.

This was the present he had been nervous about. He rubbed his palms over the front of his pants.

“It’s nothing fancy, but maybe… I mean, I should have given it to you before, but …” he stammered, and then stopped before he had finished the sentence.

Brie’s hands shook. “I wasn’t really expecting anything.”

My heart was pounding. I didn’t know what the gift was, what it meant, but the nervous energy that passed between Tobias and Brie was infectious. Only Gunner and Lexi were spared; they hadn’t watched the exchange. They were too busy discovering new games to play with the ball, making up a snakes-and-ladders ball game that incorporated riddles in a way I wasn’t even sure they understood.

Brie pulled out a wooden Christmas ornament and held it up. The room fell silent.

Tobias leaned forward in the armchair. “I made it when I made all the others. I wasn’t sure if you wanted one, or if you were staying. I— I wasn’t sure.”

Brie’s eyes filled with tears. She blinked, and it sent a rivulet racing down her cheek.

“Don’t you like it?” Tobias asked anxiously.

Brie shook her head.

“It’s beautiful. I love it.” She held the roughly carved ornament to her chest and tried to take a steadying breath. It didn’t work.

Gunner and Lexi stopped playing their game, and we all watched, waiting, not knowing what to do or if she even needed us to do anything at all.

“Brie, are you—?”

“I’m fine,” she interrupted me, and bolted off the couch, making a beeline right out the front door.

“What the hell just happened?” Gunner asked, looking from Tobias to me and back again.

29

I Am The Problem

~

Brie

I stood outside in the cold, trying to steady myself. My chest felt heavy, my throat tight. I tried to stifle the tears, but they just kept coming. It was nothing like the panic attacks I had when I left the city. This was a dull ache in my heart. I knew I would have to decide before I even came here, and now that it was time to finally make that inevitable choice, I felt torn.

I didn’t mean to get attached to them. I didn’t mean for them to become so attached to me. It all just happened, and I still didn’t know what it meant.

“Are you okay?” Tobias asked.

He stood next to me. His arm moved awkwardly at first, almost around my shoulder, and then back to his side.

“No. You gave me this,” I said, holding up the Christmas ornament. “And it makes me think you want me to stay.”

Tobias held my hand, his fingers locked between mine, and led me down the path. We walked slowly, our clasped hands swinging. I hadn’t realized just how cold it was until we were walking. It almost made it impossible to cry.

“Well, I’m glad you got the message. I do want you to stay. I think we all do,” Tobias said.

I stopped walking and turned to look at him. “And that scares me. I’m terrified. The last time I knew what I wanted was when I started nursing school. I poured my entire being into becoming the best pediatric nurse I could be, and then…”

The words were pouring out of me, and so were the tears. There was nothing I could do. I felt totally out of control of everything I was feeling.

I stood breathless while Tobias waited patiently. His eyes were soft and kind, urging me to go on. To talk to him, make him understand.

“It just took one crisis. One thing I was fully prepared for was death. It happens all the time in hospitals. People come in sick and they either get better or die, but when it happened on my watch, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could have done. No amount of nursing can make a patient’s body accept an organ. But I couldn’t take it. I ran.” I was babbling, but there was no stopping it once the dam walls had broken.