Page 45 of Mountain Men’s Nanny

I didn’t want to gossip behind Tobias’s back or speak ill of him, but we were in this together, and if there’s any lesson to be learned from how he has been acting, it’s that we needed to have more conversations. It was all our business.

“You mean the night when you guys all decided to have fun with Gunner?” he laughed. “I still can’t believe that happened.”

“No one decided anything,” I said, patting Gunner on the back in mock pity. “It just happened, and Tobias would rather that didn’t happen again.”

Gideon was confused. “What would he rather not happen again?”

I couldn’t say the things Tobias had left unsaid. All I knew for sure were the things he did say, the things I said, and how we were all living with the consequences.

“Tobias asked if we could see what happens between just the two of us,” I summarized as best I could.

“And you said no?” Gunner asked.

I nodded. There was no shame in doing things that made me happy, but I couldn’t help but feel ashamed of hurting Tobias, even though I couldn’t have avoided it.

“It just isn’t what I want right now,” I repeated defensively.

Gunner blew out a long whistle, already calculating the emotional collateral of our casual arrangement. It worked, it was great, and everyone was happy until one person wasn’t. Then it changed the whole dynamic in the very same cabin we would be stuck in together for most of the winter.

“And what exactly do you want?” Gunner asked directly.

He stood up straight, his arms crossed and his eyes steady. There was no trace of a smile on his lips. The reality of our spontaneous thrusts was the obvious conflict of interest from every direction. Saying yes to Tobias meant saying no to two men I also wanted, and saying no meant risking everything, including my job. At least I was honest.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m just figuring it out and going with the flow. Exploring out of the box without labels and pointless judgments works for me.”

I watched Gunner and Gideon’s faces for a reaction, a sign of where they stood. We had never spoken about this before. Things just happened spontaneously, and the fact that there were no hard and fast rules was part of the excitement.

Gunner pursed his lips, weighing his thoughts against my words and nodding.

I hadn’t heard about berries or bears and the lie that is hibernation in a long time, longer than I was comfortable. I looked around, and Lexi was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Lexi?” I asked, panic rising.

22

How Could This Happen?

~

Brie

“Lexi!” I ran through the snow, shouting her name over and over again, even after my throat was raw with it. My jacket felt heavy, the boots on my feet stopped me from moving as fast as I wanted to, and my heart felt like it was twisting painfully in my chest.

“I don’t understand, I don’t understand,” I muttered, looking through the branches of the shrubs. Maybe she had fallen in; maybe she was hiding and had fallen asleep. Nothing was impossible. I was willing to search anywhere and everywhere to find Lexi, but there was no trace of her.

Gunner searched the ground for footprints, Gideon climbed a tree to see if he could spot her from above, and Tobias came running, red-faced and brows furrowed.

“Where’s Lexi?” he huffed. “Where is she?”

I froze, my tongue felt heavy, too big for my mouth. I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. Tobias grabbed me by the shoulders. “When did you see her last?”

I didn’t know what to say. I spun around, wanting to point at the exact place I last saw her, but I couldn’t think of it. She had been picking berries. The shrub was right there, but I had run off looking for her and gotten turned around. I couldn’t remember the last place I had seen Lexi.

“I’m so sorry,” I muttered.

Tobias didn’t explode in anger. He had become single-minded, caring only about finding Lexi.

“Just find her, okay?” He said it as if it were a question and not a command.