Page 37 of True Colors

I snort. “I just had her and Theo over for dinner.”

“That was a month ago.”

I sigh. “Tell her I’m alive.”

“I’ll try, but she won’t believe me unless you call her.” Her tone softens. “Luther, sweetheart…you need balance. The rotations are hard. We know that.”

The gentleness in her voice nearly undoes me.

I stir harder than necessary, the spoon scraping the bottom of the pot.

Dad’s voice enters the background. “Put me on!”

There’s fumbling, then the phone shifts.

“Son,” Dad says, deep and steady.

“Hi, Dad.”

“How’s the Novagene project? I heard their procurement system’s a mess.”

I add another ladle of broth. The risotto thickens, getting creamy. “We’re working on it.”

“Good,” he says. “This one matters. This is the kind of contract that goes in your file when the board looks at future leadership. I trust you, but you can’t coast. Got it?”

“Jacob, stop that. Luther never coasts. Neither of our kids does.” I hear my mother.

We both ignore her.

“Understood,” I reply quietly.

“Good man. And call your sister.”

Mom jumps back on. “We just want to make sure you’re living, not only working.”

Living?

I glance down at the pot, at my hand stirring the risotto.

Isn’t living working?

“Hannah, he lives for his work,” my father says loudly.

He doesn’t intend to be so didactic and bossy; it’s just my father’s version of I believe in you.

Fuck! I did the same with Anouk. I gave her my version of I know you can do better, so do better. I believe in you.

We say our goodnights, and when the line disconnects, the silence hits like a wave.

I turn off the stove and set the pot aside. I taste the risotto. It’s perfect, but my appetite is shot to hell because all I can see is Anouk’s face when I told her she wasn’t good enough to present.

I can still see her shoulders curling inward.

I can still hear her voice shrinking.

I can still feel the burn of her eyes dimming, like I’d reached in and flicked a switch.

And I did that because I’m a fucking teenager who hates that she has a date to the prom, and I want her.