Page 49 of Left In The Dark

It’ll be a while before anyone finds it. There was no trace of footsteps, only wildlife prints. No evidence of anyone going back that way for a long time, if ever. I covered the vehicle in brush and branches, waiting until dark to head several miles to a gas station where I had an Uber pick me up. He dropped me off at the abandoned building where I left my car, not asking any questions.

It was such a fucking risk leaving him here while I was gone for hours. Mom was home, but she’d already been in bed for a while when I returned. Two thick locks rest on the barn doors. I tell her it’s so Dad doesn’t try to come and sneak anything away while we’re not here. I’ve lied to her a lot lately and I hate it.

She endured that enough with my Dad. Him keeping dark, shameful secrets. Cheating doesn’t warrant prison time, though. What I’m doing would, and I’d be throwing everything away if I got caught. I’d lose her too. She’d never look at me the same and I’d be pushed away by another parent. The only one I ever really had. It’s why I can’t be careless in any way. I have to keep him quiet and always keep my guard up.

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I leave my empty mug on the railing as I make my way to the barn, almost forgetting to slip on my mask before unlocking the doors. Shaking my head at how distracted by my own mind I am today, I drag the face covering from inside my jacket and slip it onto my head. I’m not a fan of wearing it, and I hate seeing him listen to some faceless version of me rather than the real me.

Yes, we’re the same person, but he doesn’t know that and it’s hard not to want him to. Things had to be this way, though. He had to fuck everything up, giving me no other choice. I’m the only one in control here and the only one who ever could be. There are no outsiders. Only me and him. I’m the only voice he’ll hear. He’ll go from having no choice to missing it. All to earn the reward he receives from being a good piglet. I’ll also learn which part of his obedience was real and which wasn’t. His eyes kept telling me it was one of the very few times he showed his true self, but why throw it all away, then?

Why shove me away and bring Hayden closer? He didn’t want him there. The way he held onto my eyes that night was so intense, it was as if he was trying to make everything else around us vanish. Well, I did that for him. Made his unspoken wish come true. He doesn’t know it, though. So I have to make him be grateful to me for other things.

The keys jiggle in my hand as I open the doors. I walk inside the sunlit barn, my loud breaths mixing with someone else’s as I approach the ladder. Focusing on the rattling chain, I slip my mask down fully and make my way up to the loft. Pressing my body to the ladder, I’m using only one hand, trying to carry the cup in the other without dumping coffee everywhere.

Blue eyes land on me and Blake sits up, dragging the blanket with him. His cheek is covered in dirt and his lips are cracked. So far from his usual perfect self, and yet I’ve never seen him look more beautiful.

Kicking the bowl closer to me, I dump the coffee inside it, and his gaze follows each of my movements. Emptying the inner pocket of my jacket, I toss the biscuits into the feeder. When he still doesn’t move after I step away, I take out the voice changer, planning to attach it the way we used to with our costumes when we were kids. Neither my friends or I had a lot of money growing up, and we found ways to make do with what we had.

I don’t have much money as a young adult either. Only what I saved up from summer jobs. This new job will change that. I won’t be rich or anything, but I’ll make a decent living. I’m not a person who needs a whole lot, though, and soon Blake will be happy with what he gets too.

“Go ahead and eat up, piglet,” I say, startling him. Must have been caught in his own head. I get it. It was a better place for me to be at times, but I need to become his better place. His escape. His choice. I hate being so damn impatient. I wouldn’t be if I didn’t feel like I was starting from scratch for the second fucking time. But am I?

My mind is definitely not in the better place right now. Still so fucking torn between wanting to believe his responses were real to not fucking trusting any of it.

He looks at the food and back up at me, hesitant to move.

“Go on,” I urge. “We don’t have all day. Well, I don’t. I have other shit to do, but I also need to get you cleaned up before I do. I can’t do that until you’re done eating. You don’t want to waste my time, do you?”

He shakes his head, biting on his lower lip. Yesterday he couldn’t shut up and today he’s quiet. Too quiet. Lowering his head, he keeps his eyes on me and begins to reach for a biscuit, yanking back his hand when I kick at his arm.

“Do I have to remind you how pigs eat?”

His head waves from side to side, his lips parting as he moves forward again. Digging his nails into the hay, his lips inch closer to the food and he nibbles gently. The second bite is bigger, and seconds later he’s devouring everything in the feeder, not leaving more than a few crumbs behind.

“Good. But never in my life have I seen an animal eat so quietly before.”

His eyes widen and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, making snorting sounds. He throws in some grunts and licks at the feeder.

I hold back my laughter. “Way to oversell it. I’ll leave you to drink your coffee while I empty your bucket.”

After lowering the bucket, I walk down the ladder and turn on some heat lamps. The space heater went off on its own earlier, but it’s not as cold in here as I expected it to be. I empty the bucket. Only pee. No number twos yet. Is he holding back from me? Embarrassment perhaps? Another thing of his I get to have.

My lips stretch from ear to ear and I picture his heated face, my cock stirring. Fuck. Using the hose, I rinse the bucket and wash it well with some Dawn soap before walking into the house. Cars drive along the highway over on the other side, but there are no cars on our road. They can’t see inside the barn from there anyway. Even though I’m not expecting any visitors at this time of day, leaving the barn open while I collect soap and a washcloth makes me uneasy.

I grab all I need and rush back to the barn, closing the doors only partially behind me. Rustling comes from the hay loft, followed by some slurping. With everything shoved in the bucket, I tie it to the rope and lift it up before going up myself. Blake licks his lips, sitting on the blanket. His shirt is drenched on the front and his jeans are a little worn on the knees.

“Been moving a lot up here?” I say into the voice changer.

No response. He looks from side to side and then crawls my way. “Oink oink.”

I pat him on the head, smiling. “You’re being so good today. This isn’t some little trick of yours, is it?”

He blinks his eyes at me, rolling his lips inward.

“Okay. How about this. One oink for no and two oinks for yes.”

“Oink oink.”

“I guess it works for “okay” as well,” I say, stepping toward him. “Now, I want you to be still for me so I can get those dirty clothes off. Not only are they starting to smell, but also pigs don’t wear clothes. None I’ve ever owned at least. I think it’s warm enough up here now for you to go without them.”