Page 198 of Puck Me Back to Life

I brush my thumb once across his side. “We do this together.”

He nods.

After making Kai throw on a pair of sweats, I led him out. Noah stands the second we enter the living room.

His eyes immediately find Kai.

For a few long seconds nobody speaks.

Finally, Noah clears his throat.

“Can we…” He glances toward me. “…talk alone?”

“No.” The answer leaves my mouth before he's finished asking.

Noah sighs. “I figured.”

He looks between us. “So the rumors are true.”

Neither of us reacts. He smiles weakly. “They keep saying Grant follows Hayes around like a guard dog.”

Still nothing.

“I guess they're right.”

Silence.

“Tough crowd.”

Nobody laughs.

The tiny smile disappears from Noah's face. He looks down at the floor. “Um. Shit, I don't know how to go about this.”

Kai shifts his weight, and my hand rubs down his back.

Noah continues. “My mom called me after the game last night. I told her everything I'd been saying to you since I got traded here, and she… she wasn't exactly impressed.” He lets out a tired laugh that dies almost immediately. “She told me I'd spent two years hating somebody I'd never even tried to understand.”

He rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “Then she made me sit down and watch it. The video. I've refused to watch it since William died because I knew what happened. Or at least I thought I did. I figured I didn't need to see it because I already had the story in my head.”

His eyes finally meet Kai's. “I was wrong.”

“I spent two years convincing myself you took my brother away from me. I built you into some kind of monster because it was easier than accepting what actually happened. Then I watched the footage…” His jaw tightens. “It was just hockey. Two guys making a play that happens hundreds of times every season. Everything happened so fast that by the time either of you knew something was wrong, it was already over.”

He looks away again. “My mom asked me if William would've blamed you.” His voice almost disappears. “And I knew the answer.”

He laughs bitterly. “He would've hated seeing me treat you the way I have.”

Noah takes a long breath before continuing. “I still miss him every single day. He wasn't just my brother. He was my best friend. The guy who taught me how to skate, how to tape my stick, how to throw a punch without breaking my wrist. Every memory I have of hockey somehow starts with William.”

His shoulders sag. “Then they traded me here. Out of every team in the league, they sent me here.”

He shakes his head. “I was already drowning before I got here. Everybody compares me to him without realizing they're doing it. Every interview is about William. Every article is about William. Every mistake I make becomes another reminder that I'm not him.”

A sad smile flickers across his face. “And they're right. I'm not as good as he was. I never will be.”

He swallows hard. “I think, somewhere along the way, I decided if I couldn't yell at fate, I'd yell at you instead.” His eyes fill with tears. “That wasn't fair. No matter how angry I was, it wasn't fair.”

He looks directly at Kai again. “I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm sorry I made you carry even more guilt than you already do. I can't promise I'm magically okay now because I'm not. Losing William still hurts every single day.” His voice cracks.