Page 97 of When We Were Young

Rage races through me. That fucker used me to manipulate her. To have an excuse to put his hands on her. To take us away from each other.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Holden

My dad died at the top of the hill to my right.

I’m sitting on the bench. My dad’s bench. I come here sometimes when I need to talk to him. Today, though, I’ve just been sitting in the stillness of the surrounding woods.

He was forty-eight and out running when he had a heart attack and died up there.

Sometimes, I stare at that dirt trail and think about my dad climbing it. We have a marker at the top, but I had the bench put in down here. It has gorgeous craftsmanship, with an elm tree making up the back to represent our tree at home. I never look at the elm at the house I grew up in without thinking of my dad.

“Are you okay for some company, or do you want some time alone?”

I glance up, unsurprised to see Harrison standing there. I know he comes here too, lately. I think we all do occasionally, but Harrison and I are definitely the most frequent visitors.

“Sure. Have a seat.”

“You done talking to Dad?” he asks.

“Yeah. We were just being quiet today.” I pause, as he’ll understand what I mean. “I wish he were here. We really need him, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “I know. I’m no substitute, but do you want to talk about what’s going on with you?”

I kick the dirt below my feet with the toe of my shoe as I stare at the ground, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.

“I don’t even know if I can, or how to do it.”

“You just start talking. That’s what you guys always made me do whenever Delaney and I had problems.” He gives me a few seconds to respond, and when I hesitate, he continues. “It’s about Lizzie, right?”

“Yeah. It’s about her.”

“I still can’t believe she’s Library Girl.”

I chuckle and shake my head.

“Do you remember that night at the cabin?” Harrison asks.

“Which one?” I know what he’s talking about, but I’m not sure I’m ready to go there.

“The night all five of us were there playing Crazy Eights for hours. The same night you started buddy reading with Georgie.”

“Hey, if you’re gonna mess with me about that, all I’ll say is you don’t know what you’re missing out on. Plus, we don’t really buddy read anymore.”

A small grin pulls at Harrison’s mouth. “It’s also the night you told us you met the woman you were going to marry.”

“Yeah. You all ripped on me and basically told me it was a stupid thought. Said I didn’t know her well enough yet.”

“And we were wrong.”

What?

I glance at him. “What do you mean? You know how it ended.”

“I know whatever happened between you two in college broke something in you.” His voice remains steady. “You’re a wonderful guy, Holden. A great man. But there’s always been this… this sadness under the surface after that.”

I swivel my head toward him. Is this a joke?