Page 81 of I’m Dreaming of a New York Christmas

‘Omigod, what a result!’ Anneka said, still smiling and physically vibrating with excitement.

I said nothing as we waited for the lift to arrive.

‘Flo, are you okay?’

I remained silent until we entered the lift and the doors closed. ‘I… really didn’t enjoy that, Anneka.’

‘Oh, c’mon, it all worked out, didn’t it?’

‘I just don’t think you understand how uncomfortable that wedding bullshit made me feel.’

‘It was the teeniest white lie, Flo. It’s all good, we just flipped a potentially bad situation into a positive one; there’s nothing more to it. Omigod, Mum is going to be obsessed with this story!’

‘No. Please. I don’t want her to know about any of this.’

‘Why the hell not?’ The volume of Anneka’s voice was rising now as we exited the lift and began to navigate the gauntlet of various beauty-counter employees trying to spritz us with overpriced – and overpowering – fragrances. I felt hot, suddenly. I needed to get outside, now.

‘That whole situation was super humiliating for me; can’t you see that?’

I stepped through the automatic doors and into the freezing Fifth Avenue air. It was snowing again, but in a more sleet-like fashion this time.

‘You’re gonna have to spell it out for me, Flora. I thought we were having a nice day!’

I stopped in the street and spun around to face her. ‘We were! But then you went and lied about me getting married when I had, in fact, hoped to get married for real this year. Or had you forgotten?’

‘Of course I hadn’t forgotten.’

‘So what makes you think that spinning yet another one of your yarns – but this time about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me – would be a fun way to spend an afternoon?’

‘I—’

But I was on a roll now, and wouldn’t let her finish. ‘I don’t think you and Mum understand how hard this year has been for me. My whole life fell apart when Will walked out, can’t you see that? I’ve had to start from scratch. New home, new job, new city. I’ve only got one friend left! It’s been so hard, but I’ve barely heard from either of you ever since it happened!’

Anneka swallowed visibly before replying through gritted teeth, as if she was holding back a torrent of goodness-knows-what. ‘We’ve brought you to fucking New York, Flo; what else do you want us to do?’

‘Perhaps ask me how I’m feeling every once in a while? Or maybe even just pretend to be interested in how my life is going without him?’ I fought hard to hold the tears back, but failed miserably, as they cascaded down my face.

‘Oh, Flora…’ Anneka reached out her arms towards me and, as tempted as I was to collapse into them, I shook my head.

‘Please, Anneka, don’t. I know you and Mum thought bringing me here would be a nice gesture and all that, and there’s nothing but kindness in your intentions, but all I wanted to do this Christmas was chill out so I could gear myself up for whatever next year might decide to throw at me. But here I am in one of the busiest places on the planet and I don’t even have a bed to lie on! I’m sleeping in a bloody bath!’

The edges of Anneka’s mouth curled up slightly. I knew we’d look back on all this and laugh about it in time, but that time was not now.

‘Please don’t turn this into a joke, Anneka.’

She raised her hands in self-defence. ‘Okay! But I guess I’m just confused at the sudden about-turn. One minute you’re talking about having the best night of your life and we’re having a laugh, and the next you seem to be on the edge of some kind of mental breakdown.’

‘You do realise I had an actual mental breakdown a few months ago? Like, Laurie was practically living with me at one point?’

Anneka looked down at her hands and fiddled with her long nails for a moment. ‘I mean, obviously it’s been rough, but this year hasn’t been plain sailing for me and Mum either, you know.’

‘But you didn’t even call me, Anneka! The first time I heard from you after the date of the wedding was when you wanted me to post about your garden waste ad on Instagram.’

‘Mum said you were doing fine.’

‘Of course she bloody did! She’s the world champion of sweeping feelings under the carpet.’

Anneka opened her mouth but shut it again, rubbing her lips together before finally speaking. ‘I think it’s fair to say that none of us are perfect, Flo.’