Page 49 of I’m Dreaming of a New York Christmas

‘Your brain and all its ideas.’ I tapped his forehead with a fingertip. He looked a bit disappointed, but I hadn’t finished. ‘And your jaw.’ I ran the same fingertip over his stubble, which crackled with resistance when I traced his jawline towards his ear against the direction of growth, but ceded to softness when I reversed the direction. Ethan inhaled deeply through his nose.

‘Do you have anywhere you have to be?’ He spoke the words on his exhale.

‘I have a few hours.’

‘A few hours. Okay.’

Ethan angled his body away from me and leaned against the building, rubbing his jaw in the spot I’d just caressed while he consulted his phone for a couple of minutes. ‘I have somewhere I need to be at seven. But do you, um, feel like checking out Brooklyn?’

‘Is that where you live?’

‘Yeah, but we don’t have to go back to—’

‘I’d like to see Brooklyn, please.’ The assertiveness in my voice sounded like it had come from a compartment of my voice box I’d never accessed before.

Was I actually going to do this? I’d never had a one-night stand in my life, let alone a one-afternoon stand. But, before I could overthink what was happening, Ethan was tasting my lips once more, and everything blurred into him, and him alone.

Chapter 11

We rode the subway in expectant silence, with nothing more than our shoulders touching each other as the L train rumbled east under the river. After twenty minutes or so, we got off at a stop called Grand Street, emerging onto a busy crossroads with what looked like a university campus at one junction.

Ethan made a move to start walking, before hesitating and turning to face me. ‘Do you want to get a drink or…?’

‘I’m fine without a drink.’

He nodded once, understanding my unspoken directive: Take me to your place.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so certain about wanting something – let alone someone. Sure, I’d always had immoveable instincts, but up until now they’d only functioned to protect me from short-term discomfort or prepare me for long-term security. What was about to happen with Ethan would have no bearing on either of those things. And yet, I just knew that this felt right – and that I needed it.

We turned off the main road onto a residential street, then another. Still saying nothing.

‘Okay, this is my building. Listen, Flora, before we go in: is this a stupid idea?’

‘Quite possibly, yes. But, right now, stupid feels great.’

Who even am I?

‘Yeah, can’t deny that. But I don’t even know how long you’re in the city for. When do you fly back?’

I pulled one of Ethan’s hands towards me, turned it palm upwards and traced an infinity loop on his skin, enjoying watching his fingers flutter as I did so. ‘I fly back Christmas Eve and land on Christmas Day.’

‘Man, I don’t know what to do for the best.’ He said the words under his breath, like he was speaking to himself. Was he worried about not being… chivalrous, or something?

You had a panic attack in his presence, Flora. He’s looking out for you.

I stopped doodling on his skin and squeezed his hand reassuringly, instead. ‘Ethan, it’s all good. No one’s heart is going to get broken. We’re just two adults who are finally having a nice time after a bit of a shitty year, am I right?’

The reasoning had been spoken for Ethan’s benefit, but as it left my mouth I realised that it was what I needed to hear, too.

‘More than you know.’

‘We’re on the same page, I think. But we don’t have to talk about any of that. Unless you want to?’

‘No, not really.’

‘Me neither. So, the way I see it, we’ve got a simple choice: we either enjoy the moment for what it is. Or we can go our separate ways and always wonder “what if?”. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a bit bored of ruminating over things that should have happened but never did.’

For the whole morning I’d been pretending to be confident and clear-minded about who I was and what I wanted. But, right now, I was feeling all those things for real – all thanks to this sweet New Yorker who I’d known for just a day.