Page 80 of Craving Sin

He turns back to me then, and even from across the room, I can see the glassiness in his eyes. “She would love that…the music. Him sharing that with you.”

“She would,” I admit, then walk over to him. “I love you. And I’m so proud of the man you are…the way you love.”

He shrugs. “I get it from you,” he reminds me.

“I don’t think you would make the same mistakes as me, though.”

“You’re not wrong.” Cillian grins, and I do the same. “I can’t believe you have a boyfriend.”

“We haven’t put that kind of name on it.” I chuckle. “Boyfriend,” I test it out. “I feel too old for that word.”

“I can’t believe how queer we all are,” he jokes. “We’re like the gay Mafia. Bisexual Mafia? I think queer works better. Dean is gay, and so is Shai.”

“My brain is spinning,” I admit. I guess this means I’m bisexual too. It’s not something I thought about before. I’m just me…and I want him. That’s all I care about. “Are you sure we’re okay?” I ask.

“We’re okay. Like I said, she wouldn’t want you to be alone…I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m not alone, because I have you. Can I hug you?”

He stiffens for a moment. How is it that I haven’t hugged my own son since before his mom died? Cillian’s shoulders relax, and he nods. We move slowly toward each other, my son stepping into my arms for the first time in too long. I squeeze him, feel the warmth of him, his skin still smelling like powder to me somehow, the way it did when he was young.

A moment later, Cillian is hugging me back. “I wish she could have met Ollie.”

“Me too,” I tell him. “She would love him.”

And then his shoulders are shaking, and he’s crying—a second later, I am too. Years of pain and hurt are being washed away between us as we find this common ground—both new and old—and the foundation for everything we’re going to build together in the future.

We stay in the room for a while…just talking. About life, school, Ollie, and Abbott.

Eventually, we go back into the living room together. Tiernan and Dean have made it downstairs. They’re all there waiting, a united front, a group of men there to build my son up, in case I did something to hurt him…and I’m so fucking grateful for all of them. That he has them all in his life. That they’ll always be together, picking each other up and supporting each other in a way most people will never have or even understand.

“So…my dad has a boyfriend,” Cillian says to break the ice and let them know everything is okay.

“Are we okay with it?” Rory asks.

“We’re okay with it,” Cillian answers.

“Duuuude!” Rory adds. “Fuck yes! Dick is the best!”

“Jesus, Cherry.” Shai wraps an arm around Rory, pulling him close.

“Come on, let’s smoke,” I say, because I’m not ready to leave, and I’d like to change the subject from talking about my love life with a bunch of young adults.

It’s not something I do often, but I enjoy partaking from time to time. While Rory goes to get more weed, Ollie and Cillian are in the corner, and I’m sure Ollie is checking on my son to make sure everything is okay.

“Is that what’s been going on lately?” Tiernan steps close to me, the two of us at a distance from everyone else.

“Part of it, yeah. He was with me at the cabin.” I owe it to Tiernan to share this with him, to share everything with him because if shit gets dicey, he has a right to know what’s going on. “I’ll tell everyone in a few minutes.”

He nods, serious as ever. People look at him, hear him speak, and they see Sloan. On the surface, Tiernan can come off cold and uncaring—harsh and deadly. And he is those things, but he’s also nothing like his father. He doesn’t take joy in hurting others, and he has a heart that is too big for his chest. There might only be a few people he shows it to, most of them in this house right now, but for those people, his capacity for love is endless. He’s always trying to keep it together for them. Again, I’m thankful it’s him who my son is loyal to and not his father.

“Okay.” Tiernan nods, pauses, then says, “I’m happy for you, Rian. You deserve to find some joy again.”

Case in point. Sloan would have never said those words to me. He never would have thought them…and maybe Tiernan wouldn’t have said that before Dean came into his life, but he’s grown and changed, just like the rest of us.

“Thank you. And I’m…sorry I didn’t protect you better when Sloan was alive. You’re my nephew, and you deserved more. I didn’t know…everything. What I’ve learned since.” I didn’t know Sloan was physically abusive to him, but I should have. “That’s not an excuse, though. You deserved better, and I’m sorry I didn’t make sure you had that. If you ever need me, I’ll always be there and…I’m glad Fia did it.”

Tiernan stills, eyes narrow as he looks at me, as I admit to him I know the story they gave about Sloan’s death isn’t true.