Page 113 of Love, Lies, and Whiskey

With her heart in her throat, she skimmed to the section that talked about when to see a doctor. Her gaze held on the third bullet. If the lymph nodes feel hard or rubbery or don’t move when pushed on.

Nonono. No! Fuck no.

She quickly navigated to the types of cancer associated with such lymph nodes. Leukemia. Lymphoma. Other cancers that have metastasized to lymph nodes.

Metastasized. The word made her feel sick.

She scanned the symptoms of leukemia. Pale skin, red spots on the skin, bone pain, bruising, shortness of breath, dizziness, weakness, weight loss, fatigue. And the symptoms of lymphoma. Night sweats, coughing, itchy skin, shortness of breath. She scanned the other related symptoms, hope rising in her with each one, because Lucas had none of the symptoms mentioned.

She clicked another link, reading about five-year survival rates and cure rates, which, depending on the type of cancer, ranged from sixty-five to ninety percent. It sounded like a fucking crapshoot.

It was all too much.

“A’right,” Seeley said, drawing her attention. “Thanks, man.”

She shoved her phone into her back pocket, pushing away the crapshoot statistics, clinging to the fact that other than one swollen lymph node, Lucas was healthy. “What did he say?” she asked as Seeley neared the porch.

“He told me what we already knew,” he said solemnly. “A firm, immovable lymph node in the neck could indicate certain types of cancer but not to worry until we know for sure. He said the doctor will probably order a biopsy, which is the only way to get definitive results.”

Biopsy magnified in her mind.

“He suggested we see Dr. Santowski. He said he’s a leader in the field. He also said we shouldn’t go online to look this up, because it’ll only scare the shit out of us.”

“Too late.” She went to him. “And he’s right. It scared the shit out of me. Every result mentioned cancer, but I looked up the symptoms of leukemia and lymphoma, and Lucas has none of them. Not a single one. They mentioned other types of cancer, but without any symptoms, maybe this is a fluke, and the lymph node will shrink on its own. I mean, stranger things have happened, right?”

“We can hope, darlin’.” He drew her into his arms, but he didn’t sound convinced. “The good news is that if caught early, the diseases he mentioned are highly curable.”

She didn’t think sixty-five percent sounded highly curable, but she didn’t have the bandwidth to do more research or talk about it. “Did he say anything else?”

He shook his head, still holding her tight. “No, baby.”

The sadness in his voice told her he wasn’t telling her everything, but she knew he was protecting her. Part of her wanted to push, to get every little detail so she would know what they might be up against. But a bigger part of her, the part that needed to stay strong for Lucas, the part that couldn’t afford to go down a rabbit hole that might shred her to pieces, didn’t want to know.

She didn’t care if that made her seem weak or stupid. Right now, she was weak, and maybe she needed to be stupid. She already knew too much. She was scared out of her fucking mind. She melted into him, wearing the safety of his arms like armor. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

He gazed down at her with troubled eyes. “There’s nothing I want more than to stay with you, but what about Lucas?”

“I don’t think he’ll mind. You’re a big part of our life, and he likes it that way. But if you’re worried about it, we can get up before he does, and he won’t know you stayed over.”

“Okay, darlin’. I’ll stay.” He lowered his lips to hers in a slow, sensual kiss. “You must be exhausted.”

“I am, but my brain is on fire.”

“Let’s go inside. I’ll run you a warm bath. It’ll help you relax.” His brows slanted. “You do have a tub, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said with a little laugh. “But you don’t have to do that. That is, unless you’re willing to climb in with me.”

His wicked grin told her he had planned that all along. “Remember how you used to dream about having a big Jacuzzi tub in the cabin, because your grandmother used to let you use hers?”

“I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“I told you, you’re unforgettable.” He slung his arm around her. “Come on. My baby mama needs pampering.”

“Is that what I am to you? Your baby mama?” she teased as they headed inside.

“Darlin’, you’re so many things to me, I don’t even know where to start.”

On the way down the hall, she stopped to listen outside Lucas’s door. “I think he’s asleep.”