Page 42 of Talk Wicked to Me

He sat beside her. “Motherhood looks good on you, Lockhart.”

“Pfft. I’m a freaking mess.”

“No, you’re not. You look great, and every time you look at him, your whole face lights up. It’s pretty spectacular.”

“You don’t need to charm me. I lost my mind in front of you when you got here. I’m sure you think I’m psychotic, despite all the nice things you’ve said.”

“Because you felt powerless to help your baby, and when you opened your mouth, your heart slipped out? That’s called vulnerable, not psychotic.”

She blushed and lowered her eyes.

“I know you miss your parents, and I can’t imagine what that feels like. Especially now that you have Brennan, but wherever they are, I’m sure they’re proud of you.”

Her eyes teared up, and she blinked rapidly. “I don’t know about that. I know nothing about motherhood.”

There were no tissues by the bed, so he handed her a clean burp rag to wipe her eyes. “You don’t give yourself or your parents enough credit. You were a teenager when you lost them, but they obviously taught you how to love and how to put your child’s needs above your own, because you’re doing it.”

“I’m trying.”

“And you’re doing great because they raised a strong daughter. You chose to keep your baby and to raise him alone knowing it would be hard, and you had all the things he needed ready and waiting.”

“In boxes.”

“That’s a technicality, and they were very organized boxes.”

“I get that from my mom.”

“See? You know more about motherhood than you think. I’d love to know more about the people who raised you to be brave enough to move at eight months pregnant.”

She seemed to think about that for a beat.

“If you don’t want to talk about them, I understand.”

“It’s okay. It’s just…I didn’t move because I was brave. I moved because I was scared.”

He knew he needed to tread carefully and waited for her to say more. When she didn’t, he said, “Did something happen?”

“Not to me directly.” She glanced down at Brennan, and Baz feared she’d shut down, but then those chestnut eyes found his again. “Gwen and I had been roommates through college and after graduation. When she got married and moved away, it was the first time I’d ever lived alone.”

“That must have been unsettling.”

“It was, but I stuck to my regular schedule, getting coffee every morning and doing my editing at the coffee shop around the corner, but suddenly I felt vulnerable. Gwen and I used to joke around about that creepy barista I mentioned, but once she was gone, even though he didn’t change or do anything to me, I became uncomfortable going there and I started working from home all the time. That’s when I got lonely, and Gwen convinced me to try a dating app and I met Brennan’s birth father. At the same time I went back to therapy to try to overcome my fears, because I knew what was happening wasn’t healthy.”

He was glad to hear that. “See? Your parents raised you to be smart. Did the therapist help?”

“He did. He asked why I stayed in the city, and that got me thinking about leaving, but then I found Ollie, and he helped me get out of the apartment and feel safer. I wasn’t in a rush to run away from the city, but walking him at night and coming home to an empty apartment was anxiety inducing. That’s when I started thinking more seriously about leaving New York, but part of me worried I’d lose some of my memories of my parents if I left, which was more fodder for our therapy sessions. I had vacationed here with my parents, so I started looking through listings and getting excited about raising Brennan in a small town for reasons other than fear of the city. Then Brennan’s father called and told me he got mugged.”

“Jesus. Was he okay?”

“Yes, but that was too close to home for me. The next day I saw the listing for this cottage, and I figured it was a sign to get the heck out of there and start fresh.”

“It sounds like you made the right move. How do you feel living here?”

“That’s the most amazing part. I had arranged to have the locks put on my doors the day I moved in, but I don’t need them to feel safe like I did in New York. From the moment I walked into my cottage, I felt like I was supposed to be here. I feel closer to my parents, not farther away.”

“That is amazing. I wonder why.”

“I had a few telesessions with my therapist after moving, and he thought removing the fear of the city allowed those feelings to come through, because I only have happy memories of them here.”