Page 7 of Dating is for Suckers

Every corner is already filled with people either having sex or causing some sort of pain. The fact that it’s cries of pleasure and not agony is startling. Based on what I’m seeing, it should hurt. How does it not hurt?

“Like what you’re seeing, little one?” Joe’s voice fills my ears, setting goosebumps exploding over my body. He’s no longer the man I slept next to, the one I let touch me in the middle of the night. Even his voice sounds different. It’s deeper somehow, more erotic, weaving a web around me.

“I - I don’t know.” There’s no use in lying. I honestly have no idea what these scenes are doing to me.

It turns me on, but should it? I’m so conflicted. I don’t want to enjoy what I’m seeing. I should be wanting to run away, not imagining what it would be like to be in that position, at the mercy of a powerful man. The cries of passion are not even close to the sounds I made, even when things felt pretty good between us.

Something was missing. Something they’re experiencing, but I haven’t. Even at our best, I never experienced that all-encompassing orgasmic bliss people talk about. Perhaps I’m just broken in that way. Joe never knew because I didn’t tell him. I did us both a disservice by faking satisfaction, but I was so happy in the emotional aspect of our relationship that I didn’t care as much about the physical.

But now, watching these other men and women fall apart, their bodies shuddering with untold pleasure, I know I want more. But how can I when I no longer trust the man behind me? He freaking broke up with me only to be here in this sex dungeon. Did he just think that we were never going to have sex?

It would have happened…if only he’d waited just a little longer. It took me weeks to gather the courage to let him touch me intimately, but even then, it was lackluster, just like the other relationships I had.

Maybe I should have let him have sex with me. Then there wouldn’t be this extra layer of tension between us. I feel it, thick and heavy, a wall dividing us as we watch the woman on the bench cry out as the man drives into her. Joe’s hands glide down my bare arms as I stand there, transfixed as the woman’s eyes roll back in her skull, her reedy, whiny pants filling the air.

“You’ve never worn this for me before. Were you worried I wouldn’t be able to resist your charms?”

I shiver at his words. He’s right. Whenever we were together, it was always something comfortable or practical. What was I so afraid of? I was afraid of this relationship turning strictly physical and not allowing us to actually grow as a couple. I was so sick of men who wanted to keep things sexual but not delve deeper.

I’d had enough men treat me like trash, angry when I wouldn’t put out on the first date. I was so worried that Joe would end up like them. But when he didn’t, I let myself lapse into the comfort of his nearness. Joe never demanded anything from me…he never once made me feel afraid. Hell, if I’m being honest, he never made me feel. I was so afraid of feeling.

Once I let myself go, there was that chance I’d never be able to rein myself in again. I fell for that once. I let myself feel for a man once. Then he fucked my sister in my bed. I just had to know for sure that Joe was different.

Was it a mistake that I kept him at bay like I did? Joe’s fingers slide along my skin, sending a shudder of want through me. His touch is electric. Was it always like this? I can’t remember. Languid warmth floods my body as his touch gets bolder. The soft whispering in my ear is like a sensual caress, interspersed with the chill of his touch.

Soon, another voice chimes in, the deep timbers warring with each other until I’m like a puddle of goo between them. They both whisper dark promises of what they want to do to me. Soon, they drag me forward, inching me ever closer to a padded X in the corner of the room. I should be scared, but somehow, the words keep me calm, grounded. They flit about my skull, assuring me that I’ll be fine.

“You’re a lucky little girl tonight,” Joe whispers against my fevered skin. “Rory and I have a bet going to see who will make you come the most. You’re going to be my good girl and come hard for me, right Princess?”

I turn to look at him, my thoughts a jumbled mess. The man that guards the gate at my mouth, the filter that keeps me from saying the wrong thing, must be asleep at the wheel because before I can stop myself, I find words tumbling out that were never meant to see the light of day.

“But how will you know? You’ve never gotten me off before. No man has.”

Joe stills, his eyes narrowing to slits as Rory chuckles next to him. “What do you mean? I’ve gotten you off plenty of times with my mouth and fingers.” Dawning crosses his face as we stare at each other. “You fucking faked it? You lied to me?”

I squirm under the scrutiny of his gaze. I never meant to tell him that. Fuck. What am I supposed to do now? I open my mouth, my mind whirling as I try to figure out how to get out of this mess when Joe steps closer, his body almost touching mine. He grips my chin between his thumb and index finger and peers down into my eyes, as if he can see my soul.

“The truth.”

Compelled beyond reason, I blurt out everything. “It just takes too long. I didn’t want you to get tired and just give up or, worse, get frustrated. So, I let you think you got me there. You were happy; I was satisfied. That’s it. I wanted the relationship. I didn’t care as much about the orgasms.”

His gaze flicks over mine, several emotions swirling in his eyes. “So, instead of talking to me like a rational human being, you decided to make a choice for both of us. You have no idea what I would have done with that information. Baby. I don’t give a fuck how long it takes to get you off. I would have dedicated the whole night to it if needed.”

Heat crawls up my face as he continues to stare at me, his gaze never breaking away from mine. There’s recrimination and anger in those dark depths, and it makes sense, but how was I supposed to know he’d be different? Most guys got annoyed when I couldn’t just come on command. I wanted our relationship stronger before I started making demands of him. Was that so wrong?

As if he can read my mind, he sighs. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I mean, yes? No? Maybe? I don’t know. I was happy with where we were.”

“But I wasn’t. I wanted you, Lissa. Craved you, but I could tell you were holding back. I just couldn’t dedicate my eternity to someone who hid themselves.”

Bitterness clogs my throat. “You wasted no time finding a way to get your needs met so soon after breaking up with me.”

“You have no idea what goes on down here. None at all. Besides, you’re in the exact same place as me. So what does that say about you?”

“What are you talking about. I wasn’t going to fuck him.”

“Hey now!” Rory interjects, his shoulders pulling back as he stands to his full height. “What’s so wrong with me?”