Page 139 of Breaking Hollywood

And then all I can see are their faces staring at me. Judging me. As if they know what it’s like to be me.

They don’t know jack shit about my life!

My head starts to pound like a drum. My blood is hot with anger.

“How the fuck am I supposed to feel right now?” I yell. “Everyone fucking knows! And then you three are here, fucking judging me! And I don’t need it! None of you knows how hard it was for me back then! I did what I had to do! And it was my business!” I pound my fist against my chest. “My private fucking business. And I trusted her, and now, everyone knows! She sold me out! She fucking…sold me out.” My voice drops to a whisper. My legs give out on me. I sink to the floor. I put my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. “I fucking loved her, and she sold me out.”

“Jesus, Gabe.” Tate is at my side, his arm around me. “I’m so sorry.”

I lift my head from my hands and stare at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I know this is going to come back on you, embarrass you.”

“You think I give a flying fuck about what people think?”

“I think you’re a kids’ doctor who comes from a pair of murdering drug dealers, and your brother used to let women fuck him for money.”

“Stop thinking about how this affects me, Gabe. You don’t need to worry about me. This is about you. You’re what matters right now. I want to help you. Let me help.”

“I don’t need help. I’ll be fine.” I get to my feet, leaving him sitting there.

“You need to stop this.” Tate gets to his feet.

“Stop what?”

“Acting like I’m still fucking twelve years old. I’m a grown man, and I don’t need you shielding me from shit, Gabe. You should have told me the truth.”

I laugh without humor. “What was I supposed to say? Hey, Tate, remember when Mom and Dad were arrested, and we were on our own, so we moved out here, but I was struggling to make ends meet? Well, I started screwing women for money, so I could pay the rent.”

He shakes his head. “I could’ve helped.”

“You were a fucking kid, who just had his whole world turned upside down.”

“So were you!” he yells, frustrated.

“I’m your older brother.” I slam my hand against my chest. “It was my responsibility to take care of you. I did what I had to do. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

He’s staring at me with a mixture of guilt and anger and frustration in his eyes. He looks so much like me right now that it’s terrifying.

I grab my smokes and light another one up. Staring up at the wall, I take a drag and blow out the smoke.

“Have you thought about how you’re going to handle this?” Vaughn says.

I turn my head and look over at him. “I’m not going to do jack shit.”

“They won’t let this go,” Vaughn says, like I don’t already know.

“They will if I refuse to talk about it.”

“I spoke to Gil. He called me when he couldn’t get ahold of you. They pulled together a press release. He just needs you to okay it. He emailed it over.”

“I’m not sending out any press release. I don’t have to justify myself to anyone.”

“No, you don’t. But you do have to address this with the media and your fans if you want to have a career left at the end of it,” Julian says.

“I couldn’t give a fuck about my career right now.” I walk over to the window and stare out of it.

“You say that now…”

I turn back to Julian. “Honestly, all I want to do right now is sleep. Everything else can wait.”