Page 132 of River Wild

Carrie

Hope Olive Ford is the single most perfect human being ever.

And I’m not just saying that because I’m her mom. It’s the truth.

She’s amazing.

She’s been on this earth for two months, and they have been the best months of my whole entire life.

Tiring. But the best.

I honestly don’t remember life before her.

That could be because I’m exhausted.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I always thought that, if I could go back in time to the moment when I met Neil, I would run in the opposite direction. But, now … with Hope here, I know that, if given that chance, I would do it all again. Suffer all the pain and humiliation and anguish because it would mean that I got to have her. And she is everything.

I hate Neil for everything, except for her. She is the one thing that I am thankful to him for.

Because she is perfect.

I sometimes have to remind myself that this isn’t all a dream. That I’m not going to wake up back in that house, still with Neil.

I could never have imagined the life that I have now with Hope. And River.

River has been amazing since Hope was born. He is completely smitten with her. The way he looks at my daughter … like she’s a precious gift that he will protect at all costs, makes my heart ache in the best kind of way. It’s amazing to watch this big man be reduced to mush by my baby girl.

He’s at my house pretty much all the time. Only going home to shower and change and when he needs to work for orders that come in for his glass art.

He’s totally involved. Changing diapers. Helping at bath and bedtime. Rocking her to sleep when she won’t settle for me.

Feeding me to keep my energy up. Turns out that Hope is a hungry baby. I feel like she’s constantly on the breast.

But, if my girl needs milk, then milk she’ll get.

River is even watching her when I’m at work. Yes, I’m back to work. This mama has got to bring home the bacon for her girl.

River offered to watch her when it came time for me to go back to work two weeks ago, which is where I currently am, standing at the counter, waiting on the breakfast order for my waiting customer.

I hadn’t even voiced my worries to him about leaving her in daycare with a bunch of strangers.

It was like he knew my concerns without me even having to say a word.

He knows me better than anyone.

Sometimes, I feel like he’s the other half of my soul. The part I was missing but didn’t realize until that day when I looked into his eyes and saw him. The real him.

It’s almost like we’re a family.

Except we’re not.

River and I … we’re together in every sense of the word, except we’re not actually together.

I’ve never mentioned the kiss we shared after Hope was born, and neither has he. Just like the time before that when we kissed.

It seems River and I kiss every so often and just never discuss it.