Page 126 of River Wild

“Didn’t we already have this discussion? Lady in labor means a pass to be bitchy.”

A grin spreads across his face. “You just said bitch.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Did.”

“Did—argh! Christ on a fudging bike!” I clutch my tightening stomach, panting out breaths.

“Jesus, Carrie. We need to get you back in the car.”

I let him gently maneuver me onto the backseat. He leaves the door open.

“I’m gonna call an ambulance,” he tells me.

“Good. And tell them to hurry because I think Olive’s getting impatient, and I really don’t want to give birth on the side of the road!”

I hear River talking to emergency services, and then he’s back, crouching at the side of the car.

“How’re you doing?”

I give him a look. “My car is broken. It’s hot as Lucifer, and I have no air-conditioning. Oh yeah, I’m in labor! How do you think I’m freaking doing?”

“Fuck, I love it when you’re angry, Red. It’s so hot.”

“Fudge off.” I scowl at him, not in the mood for his teasing.

Another contraction hits.

“Sweet fudging Jesus! It hurts!” Tears prick my eyes.

I grab hold of River’s forearm, which is the closest thing available to me, and squeeze hard. He covers my hand with his, holding me, and rubs my leg.

“Breathe deep, Carrie,” he encourages softly. “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

“I-I think Olive’s coming, River. I keep feeling like I need to push.”

“What?” he gasps.

It would be comical right now, the look on his face, if my baby wasn’t trying to currently climb out of my body, like the alien does in the film Alien.

“No, she can’t come now! The ambulance isn’t here!”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve got a lot of say in the matter!”

“Can’t you just hold her in?”

I stare at him blankly. “Are you fudging serious right now? Hold her in?”

“Yeah, like when you need a shit and there’s no bathroom around.”

“Olive is not a piece of poop!” I yell. “And, no, I can’t freaking hold her in—FUDGE!” I scream at the top of my lungs at the hit of another contraction. “Jesus Lord! She’s coming!”

“Holy fuck!” He pulls at his hair. “Shit, what do I do?”

“I don’t know! I’m not a doctor!”

“News flash: neither am I!”