Page 74 of Warlord’s Empire

“Does this mean you’ll accept my offer?”

“Yes, I think it does,” he answered, hope in his voice. “Thank you, General Radik. I am in your debt.”

“There will be no debt. Your election serves both our agendas. Just make sure you follow through on those election promises.” Radik stood, placing his hand on Saskia’s shoulder when she would have stood with him. “I will leave you to discuss the finer details of your contract with Ms. Koba. Going forward, she will be your contact. I will arrange for your security detail to begin immediately.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

“You need to be patient with yourself. It takes time to see results, and it happens at different rates for different people,” Dr. Berta Vanhooven said in her soothing voice, her pleasantly lined face sympathetic as she looked at him through his computer screen. “You’re a very driven man who prefers to move forward over examining the past. What I’m asking you to do is spend time with your past self to find the trauma, which isn’t an easy task. And when we’re asking these memories to resurface, sometimes the feelings of trauma get worse before they get better. You must be kind to yourself as you go through this process.”

Radik let out a short bark of laughter. “I don’t deserve kindness, most especially from myself. I’ve killed people for profit and now I’m paying you to help me live with myself.”

His counsellor didn’t look shocked. In fact, her expression was one of understanding and compassion. He hated it when she looked at him that way. He felt undeserving.

“I’m not here to judge you, Radik. I’m here to help.” The exorbitant fee he was paying for her services helped with her lack of judgement, but he needed someone who was willing to see past his career choice, and Berta came highly recommended.

“I appreciate that you’re trying.” Radik gave her a slight smile. “I’m a man who does not accept failure, but I can’t seem to get a handle on this. I find it quite frustrating. Nonetheless, I will try to find some patience with my slow progress.”

“You’re making excellent inroads into your treatment,” she assured him. “And frustration is a feeling we can honour as well. Examine it, see where it’s coming from. Is it your desire for faster results or is there something else blocking you? You’ve said you feel you don’t deserve to get better.”

He stared at her for a moment, processing what she’d said. She was making sense. Of course, his desire to get better was clashing with his need to punish himself.

“How do I resolve such conflicting… feelings?” He shuddered at the word.

“You spend time with yourself and your feelings,” she said, chuckling. “You examine the thoughts that surface but try to do it your way. Perhaps in a militaristic fashion. Find your target, the feeling or memory causing the frustration, and look at it from all sides, as if planning a campaign.”

“A campaign to kill it,” he said with grim humour.

She shook her head at him, though her expression was wry. “Not quite, that’s where I’ll ask you to depart from the soldier tactic. You need to hang on to those memories and feelings because burying them, or attempting to kill them, as you’ve done so far, is what has led to these post-traumatic stress episodes.”

They talked for a few more minutes before Radik’s hour was up.

“Have you started that journal I suggested?” she asked.

“Yes, but I’ve not written much. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to say. I write about my day. I write about Saskia.”

“How do you feel after you write?”

“Frustrated.” It was the word he said most often during his therapy sessions and not one he enjoyed. Ordinarily, he would remove whatever was frustrating him, but psychology was different. He couldn’t just kill the enemy this time because he was his own enemy.

“You told me in our previous session that Saskia keeps a journal and that you’re close enough to her to talk about some of these feelings. Perhaps you should ask her what she gets out of writing.”

“I will,” he agreed.

“Good,” she said, smiling widely. “Then I’ll see you next week at the same time. Have a wonderful weekend, Radik, and call me if you need anything before our next meeting.”

They shut down the Zoom call, and Radik leaned back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his face. This was his fourth session and so far, he’d seen very little, if any, progress. Berta had assured him it would take time, but he wasn’t sure he had time. Not if he wanted to keep Saskia safe.

A knock on the door heralded her arrival. He knew it was her before the door opened. Only she knocked that way, soft and quick.

“Come!” he called.

Sure enough, her dark curls and beaming face popped around the corner. “All done?”

He nodded and patted his lap.

She rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she slid onto his lap.

He held her against him, breathing in her scent of fresh air and sunshine. “You’ve been outside,” he murmured against her neck.