Page 86 of The Devil’s Feather

“I love you,” he said. Then, more forcefully, “I love you!”

“I love you, too.”

Angling himself, the thick tip of his cock nudged my labia. I spread myself open, careful not to touch him. His chest heaved, abs clenching and relaxing in a mesmerizing pattern as his body moved. He pushed himself into me. The sudden stretch around his massive cock forced the air out of my lungs. I looked down; the head wasn’t even all the way in. Goddamn.

He rumbled, “Are you ok? Do you need lube?”

“I’m fine.” God, I wanted to kiss his chest so badly. “Keep going.” Surely if I could take his fist, I could take his cock. But his fingers had stretched me first…

“You are so warm.” Rafael curled in on himself to press his lips to my forehead.

I undulated my hips against him, moaning. He eased himself out of me and gradually pushed back in. Each iota of extra stretch forced me to what I thought was my limits—until the next thrust. I whimpered, desperate for more.

Without warning, he shoved the head of his cock fully inside me. I cried out in pain. He froze.

“Rafael?” I touched his chest.

No response. Fuck.

“Hey, look at me.” I tapped the side of his face.

Nothing but rapid, shallow breathing.

I slapped his cheek. He let out a ragged breath, and a shudder rippled down his body. I slapped him again, harder.

All at once, he propelled himself backwards, yanking his cock out of me with a burst of pain. Wild-eyed, Rafael pressed his back against the far wall, pulling his knees to his chest and the covers around him.

I sat up. “Talk to me. Are you all right? Rafael, say something, please.” Slowly, slowly, I edged toward the door in case I needed to get away.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, sending cascades of dark red hair down his shoulders, and sighed like the world was caving in. “Forgive me. I thought I could—I thought I had finally overcome that limitation. I know you want a man who is whole.”

Oh, my heart. “Rafael, I want a man who is you! Whatever form that takes.”

He peered at me over his knees.

“It’s ok! You did really damn well, especially considering we’ve never tried that and you’ve had a shitty time lately. I love you, and I promise I’m not disappointed or upset.”

“I am,” he said forlornly. “I want to make you happy.”

“You already make me happy! Oh, my love, you don’t need to push yourself to your breaking point for me. I’m not remotely unsatisfied. How could I be? I’ve never had a lover as generous as you. Nowhere close!” If only I could crawl inside the forest of his mind and prune that harmful, invasive thought away. “What would help you now?”

Rafael propped his chin on his forearm. “If I lay my head in your lap, will you sing to me?”

“Of course. I don’t exactly have a great singing voice, but I’ll do my best.”

“Nonsense. I hear you belting out songs in the shower all the time.” He crawled over, resting his head on my thigh and curling around me. “You have a smooth alto like a little mourning dove; you just need to learn breath control.”

My face heated to match his hair.

24

HELL IS EMPTY

Walking through the Mission, I took a shortcut down an alley off Folsom. Supposedly there was a really good grocery store nearby, and I wanted to surprise Rafael with dinner. We needed something nice. I wasn’t much of a cook, but I’d been watching videos on how to make pide, and I was determined to get the dough right.

Unfortunately, I also wasn’t much of a navigator and missed a turn somewhere. Everything looked different walking instead of driving. That was what I got for trying to be healthy and get in some cardio.

I examined the map on my phone. An arm wrapped around me from behind, hand clapping over my mouth.