Page 74 of Lilies from Hell

“Don’t call me that,” I spit out, letting the smoke escape my mouth.

“Calm down. No need to get so emotional. I just want to know how the plan is going. We have to find another way to take him down.”

“I never agreed to that! I told you the other day. And that shit makes you look even more fucked up than you already are,” I retort, pointing to his gold tooth.

The alcohol must be wreaking havoc on him if at some point during our last meeting at his house he understood that I agreed with his plans to take Ray down. I know it’s what’s expected of me. That my hesitation in making a decision will begin to affect my reputation among our people, but I just can’t. Not when she’s in the middle of it.

“Stop playing games with me. We had a deal.” His voice raises a few octaves, making the corners of my lips lift slightly in a short smile.

“I don’t remember agreeing to your deal either, Kristoff.”

“Fine. I never knew what you saw in that brat, but just because it’s you, I’ll make you an offer.” He moistens his lower lip and smiles as if he’s about to reveal the solution to world hunger. “If you help me destroy Ray and his empire, I’ll let her live, and she’ll be all yours. I’ll make sure of it myself.” I laugh loudly, almost choking on the smoke.

“You want me to join your shitty plans in exchange for something that already belongs to me?” I ask without a trace of the amusement that had been in my eyes before. “Do you hear yourself?”

“I’m offering to protect her. You know that under my protection, nothing and no one would be able to touch her. Not even you. If you think the bond you created with her behind my back could be of some use to go against me, you’re wrong.” His face contorts with irritation at the mocking smile I maintain even after his revealing words. It was only a matter of time before he found out, but the fact that he has discovered it now makes me think that someone else has told him. “You may be my successor, but you know I am above you, and it will remain that way until I stop breathing. You still have a lot to learn.”

“Is that a challenge?” I ask, tilting my head.

I know the bloodbath that will follow the day I decide to end his life. In the eyes of others, it would be seen as an unforgivable betrayal on my part. And it would be. But sometimes I like to fantasize about it. More than I would like to admit. He just has to press the right buttons for that to stop being only a fantasy, and lately he has been trying very hard to do so. Seems he has a death wish.

I whistle to the man lying on the soft dog bed by the unlit fireplace. He immediately runs to me. His face lit up as always when it’s time for his damn walks, panting. He’s putting on weight. Or maybe he’s too old to have the same stamina he used to. The chains move with a metallic sound on the floor. I grab the end and put it around my hand, leading him forward. I have to pull on the chains when he tries to run, almost choking him.

“Fucking slow down,” I say. He starts sniffing the grass and flowers, not giving a shit about what I say as he pushes his body forward again.

I grab my phone and unlock it, going to Denis’s latest message. It’s a pic of him smiling and posing next to a packaged kidney on a metal tray in the dungeons. Vlad is next to him, seemingly oblivious to the camera pointing at him too. I send him a thumbs-up emoji, not seeing the man biting into a bunch of dead lilies until he’s chewing them and ready to grab another.

“Fuck. Don’t do that,” I snap. “You’ve already fucking eaten, why are you eating that now?” I ask with annoyance, leading him to the path where there are no flowers or grass.

He lifts his leg and pisses on the grass. I focus my attention back to the chewed flowers, waiting for him to finish peeing to continue our path. Now I’ll have to buy more seeds. I want to keep the flowers I know she likes for when she wants to move in with me. Again.

Three years ago, in Toronto

Age 21

Lena had run out of the dining room after another argument with Polina. They didn’t get along well, but I didn’t know why. I found her in the library, reading the sacred scriptures on the rug in front of the unlit fireplace, a pout on her lips. Her sad eyes met mine when I closed the gate. I sat down next to her, glancing at the page out of the corner of my eye.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, stroking her cheek. Her frown relaxed almost instantly.

“It says here that in Catholicism, the fleur-de-lis symbolizes purity,” she said, turning her face away, as if she were ashamed of something. “You said that was your favorite flower, that it was a reflection of me, but I’m not pure…” Her lips turned into a pout again. “I have dark and perverse thoughts, and they won’t go away…”

“Lena,” I interrupted, cupping her face. “I don’t care what any religion says. You are my reason for breathing. I’ve come back to life like never before, only for you, and nothing I do will ever be enough to thank you for that. Stop thinking you’re not pure. You are. You’re too much for this world, for me…” I caressed the bridge of her nose. It was as red as her cheeks. “Besides, we all have dark thoughts, only we have the courage and honesty not to hide them. You have to be true to yourself. I will always be true to you.”

“Thank you. You always say such nice things,” she murmured, leaning against my chest. I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around her, burying my nose into her messy hair.

“It is what I feel, love,” I whispered, my lips barely touching her forehead. “Besides, you can find flowers in hell,” I added with a playful smile. She looked at me with an amused gleam lighting up her now happy green eyes.

“Is that so? What kind of flowers?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

“I don’t know. Roses, dahlias, lilies…” She burst out laughing.

“I would like to get lilies then.” Her contagious smile was addictive to watch.

“I’d get them,” I said without hesitation. “I’d get you lilies from hell. I’d even bring Satan himself if you wanted.” She laughed again, but I didn’t. I meant every single word.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” she muttered, snuggling back in my arms.

“Me neither,” I whispered, kissing her ear.