Page 60 of Lilies from Hell

I hold her hands in mine for a moment before pressing my lips to the back of them through the fabric, feeling a tingling sensation throughout my body.

“We never broke up,” I say, staring at her two precious stones. I wait for the memories to come back to her, but from the look of confusion on her face, I guessed they didn’t.

“I thought we did.”

“Well, you thought wrong.” I cup her face in my hands, forcing her to hold my gaze. “I would bleed for you and rip out my guts without a second thought if you asked me to. I’ve killed countless times for you. Do you really think I would be capable of leaving you?”

I don’t bother to hide my irritation at her doubts. I don't tell her about the times Denis found me bleeding on the floor next to the knife I just slid across my veins when my desperation at not finding her was stronger than my desire to keep breathing. I still have a few small scars under the tattoos on my arms.

“No,” she replies in a whisper. “Why didn’t you look for me before, then? I haven’t heard from you in all these years.”

“Believe me, I did, but you didn’t make it easy for me. Every time I thought I had found you, you went somewhere else.” She furrows her brow, looking at me in bewilderment, but says nothing more.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, drawing my attention to her face. “I had a kind of amnesia after an accident I had, and I don’t remember anything. I’m really confused.”

“I know, but I’ll always be there for you, whatever you need. I want to help you.”

“How do you know?” she asks, bringing her face close to my hand.

“There’s nothing about you that I don’t know.” She raises an eyebrow subtly as if she doesn’t believe me, but it’s true. And the little I don’t, I’ll find out sooner or later.

“It may not be the same as before.”

“I don’t care.”

Something as trivial as change is exempt from the shadows that surround and unite our souls for all eternity. I would recognize her in all her forms, for her soul would remain the same as always even if she doesn’t know.

She smiles briefly, and when she yawns, I smile again, filled with tenderness and feeling a burning heat cover my chest. She’s the most adorable and pure thing I ever had. Because she is mine. In body, soul, and mind, she is mine.

“I’ll let you sleep.”

“No. Wait.” Her voice stops me before she gets up. “Stay.”

When I take off my balaclava, she looks away. Her cheeks turning slightly red pull up the corner of my lips again.

I lay down next to her under the sheets, throwing the bear on the floor without her noticing. My heartbeat slows until it almost disappears when she lays her head on my chest and I wrap my arm around her waist. She falls asleep in a matter of minutes, but I can’t stop watching her all night as I slowly stroke her hair. The conversation with my father would have to wait.

Gringo: is a Spanish term used in Latin America for foreigners, typically those from the U.S. or English-speaking countries, often with a derogatory tone. Its meaning varies by region, sometimes referring to any foreigner, specifically to U.S. citizens or even white people.

21

I finish drying my wet hair with music playing in the background. Then, stretching my back, I go to open the bedroom window. My feet brush against the petals of black lilies scattered on my bed and floor. He still sends me flowers daily, varying their color and type, even though it’s been days since we last met. With every petal, I feel less unsure about our relationship. About him. When he stays on the call at night, even as I sleep, a part of my heart goes along. I don’t like that, but I doubt there’s anything I can do to stop it.

We talk on the phone much more than before, every day and at all hours. He is now in Italy, so that’s our only way to communicate. I’m grateful for that because I don’t think I could see him and act normal after that night. His words are still running through my head, and more than once I’ve wanted to know who he killed. Is it normal that his sick attitude no longer frightens me? Although it never did. Not really, because after all, that’s what I’ve always wanted. Even if it sounds unhinged and toxic. For him to lose his sanity over me. But that doesn’t stop my head from being full of worries, starting with the big question mark over our relationship now.

I frown in annoyance when the song cuts out, interrupted by the vibrations of a new message. I take my phone out of my shorts and unlock it. I smile when I read Grace’s messages asking if I’m free for a video call. A second after sending my reply, I receive a video call from her.

“Hi,” I greet, putting the camera in front of me, widening my smile. It disappears as soon as I see her puffy eyes and sad face. “What happened?”

The only response I get is a loud sob. Then she starts babbling unintelligibly, her nose full of snot and tears running down to her lips.

“I can’t understand a single word you are saying,” I reply, making her sob even louder than before. I have to turn down the volume on the call so she doesn’t deafen me. I have to suppress a smile when some hairs accidentally get into her mouth. “Sorry,” I apologize quickly, pressing my lips together. “It’s okay. I’ll come see you, okay?” She just nods, blowing her nose hard.

I hang up the phone and start looking for a new skirt to wear. I don’t have to think too hard about what to wear on my feet. The same boots are waiting for me by the door. As I’m about to leave, Jason stops me, rushing down the stairs.

“Where are you going? Got a date?” he asks, raising his eyebrows with a smile.

“I’m going out for a bit with Grace.”