Page 62 of Darkest Kiss

I break. There's no other word for it. The tears come all at once and I press my hands over my mouth to keep the rest of it in, and I shake so hard my teeth click.

A chance. He's got a chance.

I make myself look at him, really look. This is the man who turned into something else twenty feet from me. I saw the Beast take over. I watched him do what he did to Kathleen, and to Andreas, right up until I couldn't anymore. Then I shut my eyes and clapped my hands over my ringing ears and waited for it to be done.

I should be afraid of him. Some sensible part of me knows that.

But before the world came apart, he found his way back. He came to me through all that red, and he pressed his head into my hands like an animal that wanted to be touched. He kissed me. Beast, or Rian, or whatever you want to call the thing that loves me. I didn't pull away.

I never pull away.

Because he always finds me. He found me at the auction, in a room full of monsters. He found me in the rubble, just now. He found me from across a dark street, back when he was still a shadow I wasn't supposed to look at. He saw me, when nobody else in my life bothered to.

I love him. I told him so, right before the first bomb went off. I'd tell him again now if he could hear me.

"Noemi." Hale already has Rian half off the ground, gathering all that dead weight against his chest like it's nothing. "I'm taking him. You ride with Ransom."

I don't want to let go of his hand. I do it anyway, because Hale moves faster without me hanging on.

The drive is absolutely silent. Two men up front, Ransom beside me in the back. All of them on high alert, scanning the road. The darkened city slides by behind tinted glass. I sit with my purse clutched in my lap like it's going to save me.

"Will he make it?" I ask.

Ransom keeps his eyes on the window. "I don't know. Bernard's good. That's the most I can give you."

I nod. My hands won't stay still, so I fold them together. I keep seeing it behind my eyes, the thing Rian became, the way he moved. I don't say it. Ransom was outside. But I think he knows anyway.

"You saw him go under," Ransom says. It isn't a question.

"Most of it." My voice comes out small. "I closed my eyes for the end."

"Smart." He's quiet for a beat. "I've seen it a handful of times. He comes back wrong for a while after. Slow. You'll need patience."

"I have patience."

"I'm starting to believe that."

We drive for a minute without talking. Watching the streetlights pass in quick blurs, I think about Rian bleeding somewhere I can't reach him. My chest tightens painfully.

Needing a distraction, I ask Ransom, "Have you ever lost someone you loved?"

Ransom exhales a long breath. "Yes. A long time ago."

"And now?" I ask. "Is there someone you're scared of losing?"

At my words, his hands clench and unclench.

"There's someone. A girl," he admits. "I keep my distance. My life is a wreck and I don't have any business dragging someone into it. She's better off not knowing I exist."

"Hmm. That sounds like an excuse," I tell him.

Ransom turns his head and looks at me. He raises an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"You're not protecting this girl. You're protecting yourself from finding out what happens if you let her matter. If you have feelings for her, do something about it."

He snorts. "And what makes you such a font of wisdom?"

"The last month has taught me a lot." My cheeks heat. "I hate the way Rian came into my life. I hate the auction. I hate the Gloss. I hate that I didn't get a say in any of it. But I can't sit here and regret a single second of it. Every awful piece led me to him." I wave my hand. "Fate, I guess. I don't know how else to explain it."