Page 43 of When the Smoke Clears

“You’re forty. Right?” She folds her hands in front of her.

“If I were, it would hardly be considered old.”

“You like the word fuck. There are other great words you could use. Some of the kids I work with have wonderful alternatives like: freaking, frack, fudge, flip, drat, barnacles.”

I squint at her.

She shrugs. “I should get you a thesaurus. It’s never too late to expand your vocabulary.”

“Do that. I’ve always wanted a dinosaur.” I turn and open the door.

Everleigh giggles, and I grin with my back to her, but quickly compose myself before she kicks off her heels and steps in front of me, face splitting from her smile. “I’m getting you a synonym dinosaur. And I like the word fuck too. But it loses its luster and impact when you use it too much. I let my young patients use it once per session. But I tell them to use it wisely. Use it like a hundred exclamation points.”

“Stop shrinking me.”

“Stop saying that. It sounds like you’re getting smaller.”

I rub my temples. “Then stop making me feel so small.”

“Oh!” Her eyes widen as she shakes her head a half dozen times. “William, I may not have looked at your penis well enough to evaluate your foreskin or lack thereof, but I know you’re not a small man. Granted, aging can make it appear smaller. Things like abdominal weight can hide the base, therefore making it appear shrunken. I don’t think you have that problem yet. Also, less collagen production can cause a decrease in elasticity, leading to a softer and smaller appearance. And obviously, medical conditions like ED result in flaccidity when you need it to stand up and answer its call to duty.”

Fuck. And I mean fuck!

“Have you had sex since I stuck my big dick inside of you eleven years ago?”

Everleigh gives it her best shot. And her attempt not to react almost works, but then she swallows hard. “Why are you asking?”

“Because your mom told Maren you haven’t been with another man since me.”

She curls her lips between her teeth for a few seconds before offering a slow nod. “You’ll never know.”

“What do you mean I’ll never know?”

With a dismissive eye roll, she pivots and gets a glass of water.

“Just freaking tell me.” I turn.

She gulps half the glass and then sets it on the counter. “See. Freaking fits nicely there. But I’m not telling you because it’s none of your business. And I like that you don’t know the answer. Your reaction to not knowing is quite telling.”

“Oh yeah?” I cross my arms over my chest. “What’s it telling you?”

She checks her watch. “It’s ten forty-five. I have to put on my pajamas and brush my teeth.”

“I’m not letting you use my PlayStation tonight.”

She frowns. “I’ll let you play with me.”

I’m forty years old. More mature. More controlled. My mind can make the responsible choice to stay out of the gutter.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she says.

I swallow the “fuck you” on the tip of my tongue, even though it would fit perfectly at this point in our conversation. She wants me to be a dirty old man, but I’m too mature to give her that level of satisfaction no matter how hard she tries to shrink me.

“I think it’s gross that you just brush your teeth and don’t floss.” I grab a beer from the fridge and plant my ass on my sofa to play my PlayStation.

But all I will think about for the rest of the night is . . . has she had sex with anyone since me?

Chapter Fifteen