“Well, hopefully this food will help get you in a better one.” Mama set a plate down in front of me next.
“I’m sure it will!” Nourah shouted, and I laughed and bowed my head real quick for a fast prayer before I dug in. And Lord, that first bite of pork chop had me closing my eyes.
Mama went back over to the stove, stirring the greens, but she wasn’t done.
“Now, Noree, don’t think you’re skipping out on a question about your love life too. What’s really going on? You always avoid my questions about who Oaklynn’s father is, but now that you’re here in person…” She paused and looked over her shoulder at me. “Why isn’t her daddy around? Who is he? Why can’t he help you?”
I looked over at Nourah, who was already smirking into her plate.
“You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you, Ma,” I said.
“Try me.”
I took a breath. “Okay, well… you know that R&B singer, Ozy Love?”
Mama tilted her head, thinking on it. “I think I’ve heard a few of his songs. But you know I’m not really into all that young people music. I’m still on my oldies. This new generation don’t talk about nothing but drugs, sex, and more drugs.”
“Excuse me?” Nourah pointed her fork at her. “That’s the same thing y’all’s generation was singing about, Mama.”
Mama paused, then laughed. “Okay. You’re right about that.” She poured herself a small glass of wine. “Go ahead, finish.”
“There was a contest,” I said. “Nourah signed me up for it without telling me at first. I got picked, along with five other people, and we spent a whole weekend with him.” I nervously played with my fingers. “And… I ended up sleeping with him.”
Mama put her hand on her hip, and her mouth dropped open. “So, you telling me you had a baby by this singer guy?”
I nodded, chewing the inside of my lip. “Yeah. But he’s a big-time, super-famous singer, so I never got his number after that weekend. Couldn’t reach him. And now, out of nowhere, I ended up getting hired for this nanny job, and he’s the client I’ll be working for.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Mama set her glass down. “The man you slept with and had a baby by doesn’t know he has a baby because you couldn’t get ahold of him after this contest you never even told me about, and now you got hired to be the nanny to his child while also being the mama to his daughter?”
I shook my head. “His sister passed,” I said. “He took in his nephew after that. He doesn’t have any other kids. And yeah. Technically, he doesn’t know. The whole reason I’m taking this job is because I’m scared. If I tell him right now, while my pockets are basically on E, I feel like he could look at me and say, ‘Well, you don’t have nothing going for yourself. No job, no savings. Let me just take her.’” I paused, just thinking about it. “I don’t want him trying to go to court, trying to take full custody and only give me a visitation schedule like I’m nothing to her. That would break my whole heart.”
Mama got quiet. She wiped her hands on her apron, came around the island, and wrapped her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on top of my head.
“I completely understand,” she said softly.
“So, when are you planning on telling him?” she asked after a minute, pulling back.
“I’m not sure exactly. I just want a couple checks from this job first. Get a little cushion under me. My goal is to get a smaller place, just something more affordable than where I’m at now. Once I feel like I got my savings back up and I get a feel for who he really is again, I think I’ll know when the time is right.”
“Okay, understood. I take it you’re gonna do the right thing.”
“Yes, ma’am. My intention was never to keep her away from him. Like I said, I tried to reach him. I tried calling, I tried reaching out through his people, through Instagram, everything. Nobody on his team ever hit me back. It’s not like I was trying to be malicious. I genuinely want him to know his daughter. I’m just scared of what happens after I tell him.”
Mama leaned down and kissed my cheek. “You got this.”
She went back over and fixed her own plate, and the three of us sat there in that kitchen a good while longer, eating and talking and laughing.
We were sitting at the bar, and I was still in a mood, not gonna lie, but I couldn’t help but laugh because my sister was over here crying, like actually crying, while we were taking shots. Getting tears in the damn shot cups. It wasn’t supposed to be funny, but I was in tears myself just looking at her.
“Sis.” I reached over and grabbed the shot glass right out her hand before she could throw it back. “Hold on. Stay just like that.”
I grabbed my phone and snapped a few pictures of her face, then I turned the screen around so she could see herself.
“Oh my God.” She looked at the picture and immediately cried harder, but she was laughing at the same time, both hands coming up to cover her face.
“You look a mess, heffa.”
“Shut up.” She snorted, trying to catch her breath, and that snort set both of us off even worse, the two of us hunched over that bar cackling with people looking at us crazy.