Page 82 of Beg Me

She glances up at me and mouths, “Miles,” before turning back to her phone with a clenched jaw.

I want to rip the phone out of her hand and read what he’s saying to her. But that’s a massive overstep and an invasion of her privacy, no matter what my intentions are. So, I place a hand on her thigh to let her know she’s not alone. And maybe to remind her that I could break his face if required. Sure, Miles is one of my best friends, but even best friends don’t just get a pass for being an asshole.

“Do you guys want to watch a movie? There’s nothing else to do since it’s raining,” she says.

“Have you ever seen The Goonies?” Gus asks. “The guys were talking about it at the park the other day, and I’ve never seen it.”

Markie gasps, tossing her phone beside her. “You’ve never seen The Goonies? How is that possible?”

“I have failed you, my boy.” I reach for the remote. “My apologies.”

I find the movie on a streaming service, and the three of us settle in.

I’ve seen The Goonies a million times over the years. It was one of my favorites as a kid. I always thought it would be so cool to go on an adventure like that with my friends.

As Markie’s breathing levels beside me with her head on my shoulder, and Gus’s fidgeting stops as he becomes engrossed in the plot, I learn something that I’d never considered before, but it's glaringly obvious now.

It was never about the adventure or the gold, because they have the treasure from the start.

They had each other.

Kinda like I do right now.

I sigh, stroking Markie’s shoulder.

You were right, Drake. I’m fucked.

“I’ve never slept that well a day in my life, let alone on the floor,” I say, pressing a kiss to the top of Markie’s head. Gus is sprawled beside the coffee table, where he moved about halfway through the movie, sleeping so soundly he’s snoring. “If I even tried to lie on the floor, I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning.”

“He looks so peaceful.” Markie looks up at me. “Should you carry him to bed?”

I consider it for about half a second. “Well, if I try, he’ll wake up, and then I’ll never get time alone with you tonight. So, the answer is no.” I stand, pulling Markie to her feet behind me. “I am going to grab a blanket and cover him, though.” Leaning close, just in case Gus is faking sleep, I whisper in her ear. “Go ahead into my room and be naked when I get there.”

She grins mischievously and makes a beeline for the doorway.

I take a blanket and pillow from Gus’s bed and manage to tuck him in without moving him too much. The way his hair falls onto his forehead makes him look so much younger, and I can’t help but imagine what he looked like as a toddler. I have the pictures Deidre gave me, but Gus is so animated in real life that it’s pretty much the same.

Last summer, I felt nervous more than anything else at the thought of having him for eight weeks by myself. It was fun, and we had a good time, especially at the end when we finally found our rhythm, but this year has been a blast. I’m pretty certain that because of how often we talked, messaged, and FaceTimed throughout the year, it was easier to find our groove right away. We just clicked.

Even when we added Markie to the mix.

I stare at the closed door leading to my room and wonder what it feels like to live this way all the time. Me and Markie, Gus, and maybe other kids—our children together. What would that dynamic look like?

I allow myself to think about that, to feel the way the image seems to take over. How it starts low in my stomach and spreads throughout my body until I think I can’t possibly hold it anymore.

It. The idea of us as a family.

It’s the messiest sensation I’ve ever experienced. An ache, yet stillness. Constriction and freedom. An absolute peacefulness that comes with a striking burst of fear.

But none of that matters because it can’t happen. I can’t stay or ask her to go. My life is elsewhere, and hers is here, and that’s the unfortunate reality I’m living in.

I came here to learn to be a father, and I’ve accidentally found what could’ve been my home.

Life’s a bitch sometimes.

I whisper a prayer over my son, then head for the bedroom.

“That took long enough,” Markie says as I close the door behind me. I look up to find her on the bed just as I requested—without a stitch of clothing on her delectable body. She’s lying on her side facing me, her heavy tits hanging perfectly from her chest.