Page 100 of Beg Me

“That can’t be right,” Gus says.

The stream of emotions rolling through his little mind is too familiar to me. I remember being told that my parents had passed away.

“No, Pop. That can’t be true. They were coming home and we were going bowling tomorrow for Dad’s birthday.”

I was fourteen, but I felt so helpless, so vulnerable—probably a lot like Gus right now.

Tears fill my eyes as he wrestles with coming to terms with something so devastating. There’s a haunting familiarity that’s a punch to the gut. He’s done this before. He’s lost someone he loves already. And he’s thinking about that.

It has to feel so … big.

This is so unfair.

His hands ball into fists at his sides. His eyes are foggy when he looks at his dad, and his voice breaks when he speaks.

“So, he’s gonna die?”

“I’m sorry,” Jory says quietly. “But yes. It seems that way. Probably in the next day or two.”

He nods slowly.

“If you want, we can go to Ohio and try to make it in time for you to say goodbye,” Jory says. “But that’s up to you. Your mom’s there now, and your aunts and cousins are with her. So, she’s not alone.”

Gus springs to his feet and lunges across the room, tackling me. I catch his flying body as his arms wrap around my neck and he sobs into my chest.

I hold him with one arm and cover my mouth to try to soften the sounds of my own cries. He shakes with the force of a much older person as he spills his heartache onto me.

Tears stream down my face as I comb my fingers through his hair, rocking him back and forth. I want to tell him that it’s going to be okay and that it’s okay for him to be sad. But none of those words can make it past the lump in my throat.

Jory watches the two of us, his eyes cloudy. He sniffles, letting his head hang.

“This stinks,” I whisper, continuing to rock him. “I know it sucks so much. I’m so sorry, Gus.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I know it’s not.” I rest my cheek against the side of his head as he begins to calm down a little. “If you’d like to go say goodbye, your dad will drive you to Ohio tonight.” My gaze connects with Jory’s and the pain in my heart is reflected in his eyes. “You don’t have to go—it’s your choice. You get to choose what’s best for you. But your mom might like to have you with her.”

Gus pulls back, wiping his face with the back of his hands. “Is Papa in the hospital?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“Then, yes. I want to go there.” He sniffles as his lip quivers. “I need to tell him I love him.”

I give his hand a squeeze. “Of course, buddy.”

“We’ll need to head to our house and pack you a bag,” Jory says. “Can you wait in the car for me and I’ll be right out?”

He nods, his shoulders carrying the weight of the world on them. He looks up at me, gives me one last lingering hug, then heads to the driveway.

Once he’s gone, I blow out a long breath while drying my cheeks. “That’s not heartbreaking or anything.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be back,” Jory says. “I have no idea what I’m walking into, you know?”

I nod. “Yeah. I get it. Can I help at all? Can I make you hotel reservations or something? If it’s eight hours there, you’ll need to sleep before you come back. I expect this will be an emotional trip for you, too.”

He sighs, getting to his feet. “I don’t fucking know. I guess it’s probably better just to get something when I’m there. I don’t know what’s close or if Gus will stay with me or his mom …”

I follow him to the front door, rubbing his back between his shoulder blades as we go. I just want to touch him, to help him.