Page 16 of Smoke

I want to wrap my arms around him. To bury my head in his neck and weep for the innocence I lost. But I hold back. Always. Because I can’t trust this. He warned me years ago that he would break my heart. So I don’t let him have it to begin with. “No, it isn’t. You brush it off like you do everything else.”

He grunts in frustration and shakes his head. “Whatever, Cherry. I give up trying to understand you. But I am back for good. And whether you like it or not, you’re going to do what I say. So get used to it. Things are going to be different around here. Starting with this apartment and this bar.”

“Mine, asshole. My bar and my apartment. I worked my ass off for this. Not for you to just swoop in and claim it like you do everything else. I’m not one of your fucking lackeys, Hawk. Go play gangster somewhere else,” I bark. He’s dangerous, cunning, and deadly. But I’m not afraid of him like everyone else is. I grew up with this man. I know his fears and his weaknesses.

He pinches my chin between his fingers, tilting my face up so I have to look him dead in the eye. “You never thanked me for going to prison for you. That’s what I’ve been waiting for all these years. A simple fucking thank you for taking the blame after you crashed my car with that piece of shit you were whoring yourself out to.”

“I told you I was sorry, Hawk. But I never asked you to take the fall!” Tears stream down my cheeks. My chest heaves. I feel like I’m drowning and never coming up for air again.

“You think I would let you?” He kisses my cheek. “I will never let anything happen to you, Cherry. You know this. But you push my limits every fucking time.” His breath hitches as he places another soft kiss on my cheek. “I don’t want your apologies. I don’t even expect you to thank me. Just don’t fucking disobey me.”

I’m shaking, crumbling against him like I did that night after I came back from summer camp. When he lied and told my daddy that those were his drugs he’d found out back by the shed. He knew my daddy would go easy on him out of guilt over his momma dying.

I still remember the weight of his arms as he held me, pinning me against the metal door of the shed, professing his undying loyalty to me. But he wanted something in return. He wanted to watch. He was too scared to touch. And it destroyed me every time. Because all I wanted was for him to stop treating me like I was his dirty little secret. If he had just touched me back…

I bite my lip and choke back a sob. “I can’t go through this again with you, Hawk. I can’t. I can’t. I…”

He pulls me to the bed. “Lay down and let me watch.” He kisses my cheek again.

I try to kiss his mouth but he pulls away. “You owe me,” he whispers against my lips. He coaxes me down and pulls off my pajama pants before nestling into my side. “It’s been a long time. You used to love letting me watch.”

I gurgle back another cry as my lust for him rears its vile head. I can’t say no to him. He’s the only man on the planet that I would let this happen with. But it’s a sick obsession. A filthy fucking game that we still haven’t outgrown.

I slide my panties to the side and swirl two fingers around my clit. “Please touch me, Hawk,” I whine. I beg and plead over and over again as I finger myself in front of him.

But he won’t. He will jerk himself off while he watches but he will never allow either of us the satisfaction of touch. It’s a sin.

“Oh, fuck.” I arch my back and let out a raspy moan as my orgasm crests. A fierce tingling reverberates out from my clit to deep inside my pussy. I grind my hips in a circle and fuck my own hand while he soaks my belly with his cum. He pumps his fist back and forth, releasing himself on my heated flesh. And how is this not a sin? How have we convinced ourselves that this is somehow better?

We lay quiet in the dark for a while, clutching our trembling hands to our sides. Until I can’t take the silence any longer. It’s more agonizing than his restraint.

“How long am I going to owe you, Hawk?” I ask breathlessly.

He shrugs. “Don’t know. Maybe forever. Now go back to sleep, Cherry. We’ll iron out all the details in the morning.”

I groan and roll over to stare at the wall, mesmerized by the way the moonlight casts these little, splotchy spots on the wood paneling. I let his cum drip down my belly. I punish myself by not wiping it off. “I hate you.”

It’s a whisper but I know he hears me by the way he slams the door behind him when he leaves.

Everything I’ve done has always been to try and keep Cherry safe. Even from herself. I’m going to hell for sure, but I won’t drag her down with me.

The things she did that night stained her soul. It makes me so angry. I could strangle her to death just to show her the consequences of her reckless actions.

I wash my hands in the kitchen sink, scrubbing until I get all of my cum off. I run the water hot, scalding my skin as punishment for even thinking what it would feel like to unload inside her sweet pussy.

“You okay?” Omen asks.

I nod. “Fine. How much money did we make?”

He arches an eyebrow, not thrilled that I’m dismissing his question. “With the buy-in fees, our cut from the bets, liquor revenue, minus the bonuses for the Diva Dealers, and what we have to put back in the till for Cherry…” He rapidly taps on his phone. “We’re pocketing about thirty grand.”

Scarrow lets out a low whistle from the couch. “Not bad for our first party back in Crimson Valley.” He’s sprawled against the cushions, shirtless and barefoot and sipping on something clear. Probably tequila. Most likely the good shit. He won’t put anything in his body that’s not top shelf.

I dry my hands with one of her black and white checkered towels. “Good. That’s a start. We need to find another spot though. I don’t want these degenerates getting any wrong ideas about Cherry. She’s off limits. Only us.”

Omen snickers. “I’m good. That chick is a fucking annoyance. I wouldn’t touch her with your dick.”

That’s why your cock tents your fancy designer pants every time she’s in the room. But I keep these thoughts to myself. He’ll learn what it’s like to have Cherinne Bradley’s hooks in you soon enough. Once they dig in, forget trying to pry them out.