Page 16 of Antonio Miles

So I didn’t climb the stairs to find Tessa. I stood at the wash basin instead and ran scalding water over my hands, watching only clear water flow down the drain. The blood on my hands could never be washed off, and I didn’t want it to. I did what I did for a critical reason. But for Tessa… I might wish I felt otherwise.

I’d never regretted what I did for my father or my family. I didn’t care what I had to do to get what Seth wanted or needed to keep his stranglehold on the city. He was my father, and I understood the importance of what he did for Nashville. His rule was never about power but the delicate balance that allowed Music City to thrive while keeping the various clandestine operations away from the general public. The different factions running the underground had to be kept in their own territories. Any deviation from the norm risked violence spilling over into greater Nashville. That sort of violence would bring more firepower than Seth could safely manage without help. Asking for help could signal weakness and we might have a problem containing the fallout later, so he tried to avoid going outside the family as much as possible.

I told myself Tessa wanted what any sane person would want after witnessing an execution. Fresh air and distance. A few hours in a room where I wasn’t. I managed to give her twenty minutes. Then I went looking for her anyway, because staying away from her turned out to be the one thing I wasn’t disciplined enough to make myself do.

I checked her suite first. She’d left the door open but wasn’t there. In fact, she was nowhere upstairs that I could find. I knew she had to be on the property because not only were there guards all around the property, but she hadn’t broken the electronic fencing or I’d have been alerted. I walked the main hallway.

The sun had dipped below the ridge and the windows threw blue-gray shadows against the wood. I walked the length of the house and stopped when I saw a line of amber light bleeding under the last door on the east corridor. I pushed the door open to look inside.

The sunroom ran the full length of the west wall with floor-to-ceiling windows on three sides. My father had built this place around the sunroom, insisting he wanted a place to watch the sunset paint the evening sky. So I’d ordered the glass be bulletproofed. There were also controlled tint windows to black them out if necessary, as well as blast doors to lock down the room tight so the whole room doubled as a safe room. Overkill? Not when your family is the most powerful underlord in the southern United States.

Hanging plants crowded every surface, a tangle of trailing vines, thick ferns, and a bright pink hibiscus that took up half the corner. The terracotta pot was cracked and held together with wire. My father had refused to replace it, nor would he tell me why, but he seemed to favor that plant when nothing else much caught his interest. Other than the sunsets. In fact, I was surprised he wasn’t in here now.

Instead, Tessa sat in the rattan chair by the window, knees tucked against her chest with a mug cooling on the side table. She stared out the glass at the valley and the sky. The last of the light went gold across her face, and her hair caught a copper ray. She looked like she hadn’t moved in hours.

I stood in the doorway and waited, not wanting to intrude on her peace. Honestly, I had no idea how to approach her. I would have stayed there forever if she hadn’t spoken.

“You do that a lot?” she asked. Her voice sounded kind of flat. I thought she might have got more than she bargained for when she insisted on watching. I also knew she’d likely rather chew off her own arm than admit it.

“Often enough,” I said. “When necessary.”

She made a noise in her throat. “Does it bother you?”

“The only person it wouldn’t bother would be a true monster. So, yes. But I also realize the only way to keep peace in the city is through fear. Our enemies quickly become allies, neutral, or they die.” I don’t know why I explained that to her. The why of it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I’d killed on multiple occasions and would do so again.

She didn’t look at me, but took a sip from the cup. “Would you do anything to keep the peace?”

“That’s a trap if ever I heard one,” I muttered, but I got it. “No, honey. I absolutely will not hurt innocents. I’ll be the first to admit collateral damage happens. But I never sacrifice innocents.”

I left the threshold and crossed the room, keeping to the edge. She didn’t turn her head, but I saw her gaze flicker to mine in the glass as I passed behind her. I took the chair opposite hers as I shrugged.

She set her chin on her knees. “I’m not sure why, but I believe you.”

“I thought you’d be upset,” I said.

She didn’t look away. “I was. Just… not about that.” She set the mug down and sat up, stretching her legs out, then stood. She crossed the brief distance to kneel in front of me.

Everything inside me stilled. “Tessa?”

She reached up, put her palm against my jaw, her thumb tracing the line of my cheekbone. Her skin was warm and soft. I wanted to close my eyes and lean into her touch. Which had never happened in my entire life. Not like this.

I gripped the armrest, trying to keep myself from pulling her up onto my lap and kissing her until we both got the relief we obviously needed.

“If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?”

I considered her question. “It’s not a matter of will I, but can I. I won’t tell you anything about the family. That’s not for anyone but family.”

“I understand. But if it concerns me. Will you tell me the truth where it concerns me?”

“Yes. That I can do.”

“Good.” She placed her other hand on my face, framing it in both of her small hands. “Why did you bring me here? And I want more than ‘because I needed protection.’ We both know Kiss of Death could keep me safe.”

I wanted to lie, just to keep her hands there. I didn’t, though. I didn’t have it in me to break the trust she was banking on. Not with her touch as gentle as this and her eyes looking through me with more faith than I deserved. “I wanted you here because I wanted you here. I can’t protect you if I’m not near you. And I…” The truth stuck in my throat like a bone. “You… unsettle me, Tessa. More than anyone has in a long Goddamn time.”

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t flinch or draw back. “Is that bad?”

“No.” I realized this was the first time I’d admitted, even to myself, how much I felt for this girl. “Not bad. Just not easy.”