Page 110 of Bonetide

“I know, I know. I’ve been a bad friend. Bad sister. I’m sorry. I’m okay though. Really. I was going to call you today.”

“You were going to call me today?” she repeats flatly.

“Well, I said I was going to in my text, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t call me. This is me calling you.”

“I got…distracted.”

“Hmmm, well I almost booked a flight.”

“Please don’t book a flight. I’m fine. Truly, I am.”

I am lying through my fucking teeth and she knows it, but I have to do what I can to make her think otherwise.

There’s a long pause on the line before I hear her exhale. I can picture her with her hand over her face the way she does and I know she’s mad at me. But she’s also worried, so the proportions are about even.

“Iris…”

“Yeah.”

“Are you actually okay though?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not just saying it?”

I have to get some form of the truth out. “I’m sleeping with someone,” I blurt.

She inhales sharply.

“Girl…”

“I know.”

“You said you wouldn’t.”

“I said I wouldn’t sleep with the neighbor. I slept with someone else.”

Liar, liar, liar.

“Mmm. Right. Who?”

“Just…some guy.”

“Does some guy have a name?”

“Yeah.”

“And what is his name?”

Horsey McHorseCock.

“Eachann MacCoinnich,” I say somewhat triumphantly. Not a lie!

“Is he the castle guy?”

I swerve around a rabbit that attempted to cross the road and nearly go into the verges myself. “Sorry, I almost hit a rabbit.”