Page 62 of Unraveled

“Unless you’re not into the idea—”

He snagged my hand, putting it over his hardened cock. “Does it feel like I’m not into the idea? Give me some slack, babe. I just don’t know if this is a great idea yet. I’m a bit caught off guard, to be honest.”

I curled my fingers around his hardening length, enjoying the way he closed his eyes and let out a groan of pleasure. “I don’t think I’m up for sex, but it doesn’t mean I can’t taste you.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered, always the considerate gentleman.

“Yes. I want it to be as it was before.” I was more than anxious. But I didn’t think sinking to my knees would be possible on the hard floors. “How about we both get on the bed?”

He followed me out into the bedroom, but instead of doing as I requested, he crossed to his dresser to get boxers.

“What are you doing?”

His face looked pained while he quickly put them on. “I know you think you’re up for this, but I’d rather wait another week to be certain.”

“What?” Tears threatened to fall.

He crossed over the few steps to take my hands in his. “Yesterday you told me how sensitive your teeth are. How your jaw aches. How your bones hurt. A couple days ago, I almost ruined the weekend because I was pushing too much on the relationship aspect. I think we should wait on doing anything physical.”

I’d never been turned down when offering something sexual. Especially a blow job. Never. The rejection stung incredibly hard. Had I been less insecure, I could have appreciated his thoughtfulness, but in this moment I could only feel his refusal. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to.”

He led me over to the bed, putting me next to him. “I know.” He blew out a breath. “But I don’t want you to do something you’re not ready for.”

I stood up, feeling defensive and vulnerable. “I can decide if I’m ready. But it’s clear you’re not. So…” I wasn’t sure what to do, but once again, flight was on my mind. Dammit, was it the chemo making me this unstable? I sure hoped so.

He tugged on my wrist, pulling me back to him. “Layla, you’re still the sexiest woman I’ve ever known. Not even cancer has a chance of diminishing that, I promise you.”

“Then why are you rejecting me?” The truth floated around in my brain, telling me my mouth was indeed sore. My bones did hurt. Yet I’d been willing to ignore both for the chance to get things somewhat back to what we’d had. “Sex was an important part of what we started,” I admitted out loud.

“You’re right. It was, but it wasn’t all we had. The sex was undeniably hot, and I have no doubt it will be again. But if you somehow think you need it in order to hold on to me, you’re wrong.”

I fought my irritation at his words, aware that there was a lot of truth behind them. “Don’t read into my motivations.”

He leaned forward. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

I couldn’t. Especially after hearing Jack think Carly was Kellan’s girlfriend last weekend. It was still eating at me. Maybe I thought if I could give him pleasure, I could feel more secure in the non-relationship I’d elected. It said a lot about how I weighed my value. Almost like if I couldn’t provide sex, I was somehow diminished.

A tear slipped down my cheek, which he rubbed away with a stroke of his thumb.

“Rushing into something you think I need before you’re ready would be a disservice to both of us. We’ll get there. I promise,” he said.

I swallowed hard. “How can you be certain?”

He grinned. “Because simply kissing you gives me a rush unlike anything else. You’re the best part of my day.”

Shit. He would have to say the perfect thing. “You’re the best part of mine, too.”

“Good, come downstairs and get a movie started. I’ll order takeout.”

Even though his suggestion might not be what I wanted, it sounded as if it was what I actually needed.

Chapter Twenty

Kellan

Turning down Layla’s sexual advances last night had taken every ounce of my reserve. But once I’d realized her motivation was to give me something she thought I required of her, I couldn’t allow her to follow through. No way. Baby steps weren’t only necessary for the dating aspect of our relationship; they were required for the physical aspect, too. She was healing from major surgery, not to mention recovering after her first round of chemo. I doubted very much a woman like her had ever been rejected, but at the same time, I couldn’t have her think I needed the physical in order to stay with her. Although it killed me to deny her, I knew in my heart it was for the best to wait.

Just as I knew I needed to be more patient with her in general. She experienced plenty of stress from her cancer treatments. She didn’t need to worry about my feelings or getting pressured into a relationship. I still regretted that my little outburst had almost led to ruining our time together last Saturday. Patience wasn’t my greatest attribute, but I knew I needed to exercise more of it if I wanted her in my life.