Page 60 of Unraveled

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Meaning you want to date other people?”

“Well, you know, the cancer and mastectomy aren’t exactly the best things to put on an online profile these days, so I may have to wait a few months. Unless, of course, there’s a chemo dating site. I should have asked. Maybe it’s called C-date?”

Although she was attempting a joke, I wasn’t laughing.

“I don’t want to date anyone else. And I hate it when Carly shows up on the jobsite. She flirts, I ignore her. She brings food for the guys. I ignore her. Repeat. She’s basically got me trapped on this project for the next few months and uses it to her advantage. If I didn’t need the money to invest back in my business or the reputation I’ll acquire from this job, I would’ve walked away weeks ago. I only think of one woman in my life—actually three if you count my mom and my sister. But I guarantee you’re the one who takes up ninety-five percent of my brain. And I know this: if the roles were reversed and it was you seeing your ex on a daily basis at work, and your coworkers assumed he was your boyfriend, it would drive me insane. So either you really don’t care, or you’re pretending you don’t. But I do care, Layla. A lot. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be exclusive. And I want you to want those things, too.”

Her tears almost brimmed over. “I’m sorry, Kellan. I think you should take me home.”

Fuck. I’d pushed too much. Too hard and too fast. I didn’t know if I was more upset that I hadn’t kept my word about taking baby steps or that she might not be feeling the same way I did.

I scrubbed a hand over my face, at a loss. There was nothing I could do except as she asked. “All right. I’ll let you pack up.”

Chapter Nineteen

Layla

As I watched Kellan leave the room, my jaw ached from clenching it so hard. Of course, it didn’t take much to develop an ache given my teeth were extra sensitive, but it beat biting my tongue—something I also wanted to do. Anything to keep from saying what I was really feeling.

Hearing Jack assume the blonde was Kellan’s girlfriend had been like a punch to the gut. Clearly, his ex showed up often enough at the jobsite to make his coworkers believe the two of them were together. But the bigger part of my urge to flee was being afraid of trusting him, and becoming too attached.

I was petrified that if I came to rely on him too much, I’d come across as needy and dependent. I’d also risk something I couldn’t afford to lose. Not my heart. If Kellan came up short, my heart would hurt, but it could take a beating if it needed to. My body was already going through hell, so that wasn’t it either.

No, it was my spirit hanging in the balance. If I let myself completely fall for him, if I let my feelings grow any deeper, and he realized this was too much, I risked losing hope. I’d lose the fighting spirit I desperately needed in order to get through the next few months. I was so incredibly fragile I worried I’d break at the slightest change of heart.

Although I didn’t doubt Kellan’s sincerity in wanting to be in a relationship, I had a hard time believing that a month or so from now he would still feel the same way. So I’d panicked. I’d asked him to take me home.

Now, standing alone in his bedroom, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. I had to fight the disappointment that he’d respected my boundaries and done as I’d asked instead of insisting I stay. My indecision served as a reminder. I didn’t know my own mind right now. I gathered my things up into my bag, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. The sound of footsteps alerted me he’d come back. I couldn’t face him. Couldn’t let him see how much I struggled with this.

“I’m sorry, Layla. I pushed after I said I would be okay with going slow.”

“I’m sorry I can’t offer more.” I wished I could, but the risk was too high. My emotions too unreliable.

“It’s enough. Your company. Your smile. Dating you. I shouldn’t have made it seem like it wasn’t. Again, I’m sorry. I wish you would stay, but I understand if you don’t want to.”

I took a deep breath and turned to see him standing there, his hands tucked into his pockets. What was I doing? I didn’t want to end this. But I needed some breathing room. Room where I didn’t have to feel the weight of something serious. I had to wait until I wasn’t in the middle of falling apart. “I want to stay. Just no more talk about relationships. I’m not ready.”

“Can I ask if it’s because of your ex?”

It was a fair question. One he deserved answered. “Not in the way you’re thinking. I’m not hung up on him. But I have a hard time with trust.”

He swallowed hard. “I’d never cheat on you, but I get it.”

“It’s not that.” I had no doubt he was the faithful type, especially since he’d been cheated on himself. “It’s more that I can’t trust my feelings aren’t affected by the cancer and chemo. I’m not able to handle the pressure of starting a relationship when I’m a big, giant ball of emotions I can’t seem to control. I can’t describe it in any other way. I care about you, Kellan, but I need to get through these next few months before I can take the next step.”

He nodded. “I didn’t mean to put more on you right now, of all times. I’ll dial it back a notch. Okay?”

“All right. Thank you.” Needing to change the subject, I took a deep breath. “How about you show me the floors? Did you do the same color you did in here?”

He appeared relieved by the new topic. “I did. The shoe molding isn’t in yet. But the floors came out really nice.” He took my hand and led me down the stairs.

“Did I mention you do good work?” The floors gleamed, making the room appear bigger.

“Thank you. Fortunately for me, Jack had time today. Instead of my wasting a full day, this turned into a half-day project.”

“You look tired,” I commented, rubbing his back. Considering the amount of hours he was putting in, I couldn’t blame him. Yet he always made time for me. Whether it was a text, phone call, or bringing me food, he made it happen. It made me feel guilty for not being able to give him more.

“I’m fine. I’ll feel better after a shower.”