Page 50 of Unraveled

“I get it; I really do.” I only hoped Russ was right about her being over her ex. “Anything I should know about Saturday night with your parents?”

“Other than the fact that at some point my mom will push Layla until she snaps, and then cry—? Nope.”

Family dynamics were a bitch. “So, I should bring beer is what you’re saying.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Chapter Fifteen

Layla

On Saturday night my brother was the first one to show up for dinner. We’d found out that my very favorite steak place in Seattle, The Keg restaurant, made deliveries. That took the burden off of Russ for picking up the food.

“I’m tempted to hug you, but I don’t want to hurt your, uh—you know— Sorry.”

Russ was adorably awkward in not mentioning the word boobs. “It’s okay. No hugs yet, but I can say thank you for coming.” I was recovering each and every day and had regained a good deal of mobility in my arms. I also was off of the pain killers, using only Motrin at night. I hoped to get my drains out by the end of next week.

“I’m happy to be here. I placed the dinner order. Should be here within the hour.”

“Thanks for that. How are you? Did you ask Suzanne out yet?” What I craved most was a normal conversation that had nothing to do with cancer.

He opened a beer, one of the six-pack he’d brought over. “Yep, and—” He made the sound of a car crash. “She pulled the ‘I really want to be friends but don’t wish to date someone I work with’ card. Can’t say I blame her.”

I frowned, sipping on my water. “I can. It’s her loss.”

“Thanks, sis. Anyhow, I was thinking maybe I’d go to the hospital with you on Monday for your chemo treatment and see if that cute nurse you had is there?”

“Nice try. But I’m going by myself.” I’d been through this with him before. I was determined to take control of at least one thing, given I had so little control over this disease in general. That meant I wanted to get the treatment on my terms, without relying on anyone. Partly, I wanted to prove I was strong enough to do it. But even more than that, I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. Plus, if Russ went, my mother would insist on coming, too. However, if I told everyone I was going solo, no one could argue about it.

“I think you should have someone there the first time. We don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings. Or at the very least, have Kellan go with you.”

The last thing I wanted was to lean on him for my chemo. Frankly, the more I could be with him and not have it be about the cancer, the better. As if this disease wasn’t enough of a burden, I knew he’d taken it hard when I’d admitted he was the rebound guy after I’d dumped my cheating ex. Kellan deserved more than I could give him at this point, not only physically, but also emotionally. I simply wasn’t ready for another relationship.

“He has work, and so do you. Honestly, I sit there for hours doing nothing. I’m planning to read a book. When I’m done, I’ll go directly home and sleep. Patty will be coming to check on me that afternoon and twice the next day.”

We’d arranged for her to make two visits per day during the first seventy-two hours after chemo. Considering I had to do blood draws to keep track of my counts, it worked out great. With Patty coming by, I wouldn’t have to go to the hospital for the tests.

“All right, but I don’t like the idea of you going by yourself. It might be scary. And, if nothing else, having someone there will remind you that you’re not alone.”

“If I start to freak out, I can always text Kellan. He lives close by. And I’d also let you know.” Not that I would, but the option seemed to reassure my brother.

The truth was I knew I’d be scared. I already felt anxiety. But I had months of this ahead of me. There was no way I was going to have someone take off work each and every time I needed chemo. Nope. I’d learned the hard way how it felt to hope people would be there for me, and then they weren’t. Of course, Russ was the exception to that rule, but I was tired of putting it all on him.

We sat on the couch together to get more comfortable.

“I’ll let it go. How are things with Kellan, by the way?”

“Okay.” I was cautiously optimistic, with emphasis on the cautious. “You know, for dating during cancer.” I paused before blurting out, “He’s a really good man. In fact, sometimes I feel like he’s too good to be true.”

He smiled. “He is a good man. One you deserve, I might add. You’re wary of getting hurt. I get it, but Kellan isn’t the same as Chad.”

No, he definitely wasn’t. But even though he was the most understanding, kind, and wonderful guy I’d ever met, it was clear something had shifted the other night. After bringing me chowder, he hadn’t come over since and seemed to be keeping his distance, back to only texting me. I’d tried not to feel disappointed considering it’s what I’d asked for. But his behavior brought out my biggest fear. Without sex, what did I have to offer?

When the bell rang, Russ got up to open the door.

Kellan stood there with a bouquet of vine things and a cake box. He looked amazing in dark-wash jeans and a button-down, light blue shirt. I’d never been a girl who wanted to bury my face in a man’s shirt and sniff him, but my attraction to him was so strong I was tempted to do just that.

He came over, leaning down to give me a kiss. “Hi, babe. You look nice.”