Page 54 of Abundance of Obsession

Eli's journal

#3

Mom was sick. That was the truth.

It had crept into our home and hadn’t crawled out.

Though I couldn’t blame her for it, I couldn’t bear what had happened to me.

I’d become invisible. To her. To Dad.

In a split second, I no longer mattered. I ceased to exist.

Sometimes it hurt so much that I wished death upon everyone.

Most of all, on myself.

Don’t ask me why. All I know is that the pain was so intense that I couldn’t bear it.

Every day, I sank deeper and deeper into a black hole.

And no one saw it.

No one reached out to me. A child who was neglected and left alone.

All of a sudden.

Left alone.

I hated it so fucking much it made me want to throw up.

And then the guilt would set in.

Because the illness was stronger than my mother’s. And I loved her more than anything.

My father stayed home for good. He stopped leaving. He spent all day by her side, and at night he would end up exhausted on the couch. And then Mom tried to hurt herself again, and he wouldn’t even let her out of his sight at night.

When a child is hungry and no one remembers him…

When you sit alone all day between four walls that don’t speak, don’t hug, and can’t love…

Then, even the most beautiful home becomes a cage.

And freedom tastes like prison.

I think I hated my father even more than I hated myself.

Chapter 15

Zoe

I’m doing my best to look extraordinary. My heart’s thumping so hard it hurts as I pull on black stockings.

Slow exhale. Let’s hope that calms my nerves.

Doubt sneaks into my mind like a thief in the night.

When I told Eli I knew exactly who Damien was, I wasn’t lying. His high-ranking position in Veirix only made things more difficult for me. I didn’t mention it to him. If Eli learned the truth, he would never in a million years allow another meeting with Damien. And Ryker would back him up.