Page 35 of Abundance of Obsession

Before I can find the energy to move, Jeremiah grabs my shoulders and pulls me upright. I don’t even reach his shoulders. His hold is like an iron grip.

He pushes me toward the basement.

“No, no, no…” I moan, terrified. “Jeremiah, please don’t do this.”

Once again, he’s deaf to my pleading. Immune to my pain and tears.

“You must face your punishment. You know that,” he says as he opens the basement door.

Four steps down, and I’m pushed into a damp room. It stinks in here like something’s dead. Maybe it is. I think this is where my hope for a happy childhood died.

Turning to face him, he says, “Get undressed.”

“Wh-what?” I sputter. “Wh-what are you going to do?”

“I said get undressed!” he yells in my face.

With trembling hands, I reach down my dress and pull it up. Pull it over my head. I stand there in just my T-shirt and underwear, trying to cover myself with my hands from his gaze. I’m eleven years old, but it doesn’t change a thing.

He crosses a line he has never crossed before.

“Against the wall.” He points, and I do as he says. “On your knees, hands up. For every single time your hands drop, you’ll get a belt.”

Fear is the only thing I feel. I’m so terrified I don’t know what’s happening. I’m shaking all over, and tears are streaming down my face.

It’s your fault! You brought this on yourself.

“Do I need to repeat myself?” he demands in a grave tone, and I jump in place.

I obey his commands. Standing against the wall like a condemned prisoner, I fall to my knees.

Eight.

Eight times I get whipped across the back. Each one is worse than the last. Until my white T-shirt is stained with blood.

I can’t pull myself together all day. That dream threw me off. A nightmare.

But I can’t convince myself it was just a nightmare because it really happened. A long time ago. Ever since I decided to take revenge for what they did to me, the memories keep coming back. They torment me at night. They toy with me.

I remember when Ash came home that night and I pretended to be asleep. But I couldn’t sleep. Lying on my back was out of the question. Lying on my side hurt too. So I lay on my stomach with my eyes closed.

Ash watched me for a moment and then stroked my back before going to her own bed. The moment she touched me, I wanted to howl like a wild dog. My skin burned with a living fire. And in the darkness, I was grateful she couldn’t see my jaw clenching in pain.

I didn’t tell her. Why didn’t I ever do that? I could give a hundred reasons, but would any of them be good enough to justify suffering in silence?

My concern was that they would separate us, given it was the sole residence where we could stay together. I was afraid Ash would slit the throat of everyone in this house and, as a result, I would lose her. My greatest fear was that she would abandon her search for a way out of this wretched situation and stay behind to shield me.

So I suffered in silence and prayed for when we would finally be able to escape this hell.

I shake my head as if I could shake off unwanted memories. Slowly, I pull stockings over my shaved legs.

I have a date. An actual date.

The day started with a call from Damien asking me out to dinner. I couldn’t say no to him. Correction, I didn’t want to say no to him. Not after I’d thrown myself at Eli that day.

Just the memory of offering him my virginity, handing it to him on a silver platter, embarrasses me. How could I have been so stupid? I’m not blaming it on being drunk, because I knew exactly what was happening. Still, I’m horrified by my behavior.

Especially since he vanished without a trace after that evening. Poof… Just like that.