Page 109 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 3

“Don’t tell me you’re writing fanfics,” I chuckled, discomfort lessening, but still there.

“SmutWriter, is that you?” Andrei laughed.

“They do that, don’t they?” Jace asked, a spark of mischief lighting up his eyes. He tossed the cigarette butt in the parking lot. “Can’t keep a secret if you wanted to.”

Andrei slouched a little more and shook his head. “But we’d like to, anyway.”

A knot untied in my chest. “For a while longer, at least.” Until I figure it all out, I thought. I was waiting for that special day when it all made sense. Would it ever come? Did such days exist, even?

“Gotcha,” Easton said. He cleared his throat. “Mind if I share some unsolicited advice?”

“Bet you will either way,” I said.

“You got that right,” he said. Jace’s arm dropped off his shoulders, and he crossed his arms over his chest, a light jacket framing his athletic build. Easton took a step forward as if to emphasize the importance of it. “Anything’s better than the dark space of the closet. Fuck everything else.”

“Easier said than done,” I whispered, feeling more than exposed. I was being dissected under a microscope, a scalpel cutting through the rawest, most intimate features of my soul.

Easton pressed a finger against the left side of my chest. “Trust me. We’ll fight another day, but this is more important. The secrets can eat you bit by bit before you even realize. When you wake up one day, you realize there’s none of you left.”

“Thanks.” The word was cut short, curt, but clearly the end of the conversation. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how to explain that I had spent a lifetime chasing one fascination after another. I didn’t know how to say that I didn’t fear people knowing I was gay. I didn’t fear people knowing that Andrei was my everything.

What terrified me was far bigger and closer to home. If I promised so much to Andrei so soon, could I keep those promises?

The avalanche of feelings that had descended upon me and that still held me so tightly wasn’t going anywhere. Yet it had arrived too swiftly to trust so completely. What if a warm wind melted it away? I doubted it, yet I still feared it. What was there—what I felt—was so deeply rooted in my heart and soul that I could hardly imagine a different life, but it was sudden.

Easton stepped back, and Jace did the same. “Good luck, guys,” said Easton.

Jace echoed him, then threw his arm over Easton’s shoulders, and they walked over to their car.

“Are we that obvious?” Andrei asked.

I shrugged. “To some, maybe.”

Andrei nodded, as confused with the state of our lives as I was. “Let’s meet up with the team.”

“Right,” I said and took out my phone to call Phoenix.

Another night of not thinking too much about it. Another night of living in the moment. That way, nothing could go wrong.

But as I glanced at Andrei, my heart lifted a little higher, beat a little faster, and I knew that this was a constant without a beginning or an end. I just needed the courage to say it aloud. The courage I lacked.

Chapter Twenty

ANDREI

The weeks blended together after Chicago. Games were lined up one after another like never before, and the NextPlay Media crew scrambled to get as much content out of the remainder of the semester.

Griffin’s hands rested on the railing along the edge of the walkway, the lake extending behind him into the infinite distance. He leaned back, his chin lifting high, gaze wandering over the leaden clouds above. The first snow wasn’t far away in our future. You could smell it in the air, that cold anticipation.

My camera shutter opened and closed, immortalizing Griffin in all his perfection.

Lately, I took him places more often. I carried my camera to our games, to trips, and even to the library, capturing him like he was running through my fingers and I only had so much of him left.

Nothing had changed. Not one thing. He was the same wonderful guy I had been in love with for years. He was still the finest lover and the greatest friend. And somewhere in that perfect space lay the problem.

I could feel him watching me, watching when he didn’t know I noticed it. I could feel the longing in him, in every heated touch, every urgent kiss, every lingering hug.

Things had remained the same, though months had gone by. December brought constant frost to the glass lawns, the scent of cinnamon to every café and bakery, and the sounds of holiday tunes from every shop.