Page 99 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

I looked at him as new tears stung my eyes and my face contorted with grief. All my life, I’d seen myself as a lost and helpless boy, abandoned by his mother, too much for his father to handle, and dependent on the one good friend who cheered him up. I’d never thought of my mother as my father’s wife. I’d never truly empathized with Dad’s loss when his wife had abandoned him.

For all the hurt of seeing her leave, I had never considered what it had been like for Dad. He was suddenly left with a small boy to raise and no experience, a broken heart, and a lack of emotional stability that had plagued him his entire life.

You did the best you could, I thought as I crossed the room and threw my arms around him. I hadn’t meant to do this. I hadn’t meant to let my emotions run away from me so wildly, but I couldn’t stop it now. I was hugging my dad hard like my life depended on it. I was holding him because he was all I had. And I owed him the appreciation I’d never realized I’d withheld. I wished I had been more understanding.

“You were a great dad,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. I wiped them angrily, holding Dad close so he couldn’t see my face.

Dad hugged me back patiently. When the storm of emotions calmed down, I allowed us to pull away from one another. For most of my life, Sebastian had been the person I hugged when I needed this. Or, if not hugging, we played silly games until we forgot what had upset us in the first place.

“What’s this for?” Dad asked with a shy smile on his lips.

My throat tightened. “I didn’t tell you that enough,” I said. And I hadn’t told Sebastian how I felt when I should have. But that ship had sailed. I wouldn’t get that chance again. So I could do the next best thing and start saying things before it was too late. And I could start with Dad.

My lip must have quivered because concern rose in Dad’s eyes. “Hey. Buddy.” His soothing voice was still a little raspy and gruff.

I tried to turn away from him and hide the welling emotions, but he took my shoulder and held me firmly. He looked over my face, and when I lifted my gaze, he looked into my eyes.

“Tyler, what’s wrong?” he asked, smoothing out the last traces of roughness from his voice.

I frowned to still my contorting face and shook my head.

Dad sighed and squeezed my shoulder. “Girl trouble?” he asked.

I wanted to laugh. Was I so obvious? Was there nothing else in the world that could have troubled me? But the truth dragged the corners of my lips down as I looked at him. Fear must have shown itself on my face. And, as I shook my head, Dad blinked.

Did I dare risk it? Did I dare tell him now? And what for, anyway? I wasn’t into any other guy on the planet. The one I loved was gone, so why go through the whole ordeal?

Before I could make up my mind, Dad asked: “Boy trouble?”

My mouth opened and no sound came out. I licked my lips as I closed my mouth, then bit the lower one hard. It was impossible to look into his eyes, and yet I couldn’t look away.

Dad nodded a few times, briefly. “I wasn’t there for you, Tyler,” he said gently, his nods turning into head shakes. “I should have been there more, but I wasn’t.”

A frown creased the space between my eyebrows and I cocked my head.

“We shouldn’t have waited until you were well into your twenties to talk about this, Son,” he said.

The stupendous relief that I felt at this was almost like being catapulted into the stars. I didn’t know how to react. It was simply a sensation that filled me to bursting, this joy and love I felt for him.

“So,” Dad said, hesitating. “It’s boy trouble, eh? Well, that’s not too different from girl trouble, I think.” He released my shoulder and rubbed his hands together. “I’m no expert, but I can listen.”

I wanted to cry more than before, not less, although part of it was pure happiness. This was who I was and Dad didn’t care if it was different from what he’d thought. How much purer can a relationship be? But I didn’t want to tell him. Not about Sebastian, who was deep in the closet, and not about the weird, senseless way it all went down. So I cleared my throat. “It’ll pass,” I said.

Dad was probably a little relieved. It had taken him years to even start coping with being left.

“Show me the train again,” I said.

If not for my sake, then for his, this turned out to be the best thing I could have asked for. He was delighted that I would request it. Without any hesitation, he smiled and pulled me over, getting me familiar with the tracks and the controls on the remote controller he had. Then, when I was up to speed, he handed the remote to me.

For a moment, I could almost feel the appeal of it. A place where you made the rules and where everything was just so simple and easy. The train had its tracks and the villages had its purpose and the people lived under a perpetually blue sky. It was as close to escaping from the pit of despair as I could get and I took every moment I was offered.

Chapter Nineteen

SEBASTIAN

The forks and knives scraped against the porcelain plates in the dining room. The meat was juicy, the gravy was sweet and salty, and the cabbage salad was crunchy. All of these things made sounds that seemed too loud in the deathly silence of the room. A chair moved an inch and sounded like an earthquake now that my ears were adjusting to this coffin we called my childhood home.

Eryn sat next to me, bumping her knee into mine as if to acknowledge how awkward this entire evening was.