Page 58 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

“Oh, well, that’s good, then,” I said. “I’d hate to have my life wrecked for something meaningful.”

That jab landed. She thrust her pointy chin out. “When was the last time you showed any interest in me?”

“Are you kidding me? Am I the one on trial here?” My voice thinned into a pained whisper and I had to clear my throat. My eyes stung again, but all my rage was gone. These weren’t the tears of hate. I wished I could call them back and simply be angry with Jennifer. The truth was, I was starting to feel hopelessly sad. It opened in me like a dark, bottomless pit, and nothing other than despair welled from it. “Christ, Jennifer, I thought we were good. I thought we were…” Going somewhere? It felt so useless to say it.

“Really? You didn’t realize I needed more? Real classy, Sebastian.” She crossed her arms tightly to hold herself and spat accusations at me. “All you ever want to do is cuddle and fall asleep.”

It took me a moment to find my voice again. The blow was too personal. “I thought you liked that.”

She hesitated, then nodded. “I did. I do. But that’s not enough. Jesus. It’s not like I’m horny all the time, but you never…you never want me.”

That was so not true. We’d had so many nights of intimacy. We’d had some of the best sex ever when the stars had aligned. The winter break had separated us for a bit, and then hockey drills left me gasping for air, and I was tired. I was tired of everything. I just wanted to be next to someone who cared about me and who understood what searing muscles felt like and how much the rush of last-minute decisions in my final semester weighed me down. I wanted someone who would understand what it was like to live up to my parents’ expectations. But how could she understand? Jennifer hadn’t worked a day in her life. An only child to a generous couple, she was given everything she needed. Nobody expected of her anything more than what she delivered.

I’d expected more. I’d expected some kindness. Silly me.

“That’s bullshit,” I said, the words tearing from me before I could rein them in. “You know you’re wrong, so you’re blaming me. But it only makes you look worse.”

“Is this seriously such a big deal?” she demanded. “I didn’t think you were such a conservative.”

“Is it a liberal thing to just look past cheating?” I asked. “Because I didn’t get the fucking memo.”

“We’re not in the nineteen-fifties, Sebastian. It was just sex.” She rolled her eyes, insisting on remaining furious with me for making a big deal out of this.

I drew a deep, calming breath of air. “You don’t care about me.”

Her lower lip quivered.

I hoped she didn’t care. In fact, it was the best possible outcome of this clusterfuck. Because if she cared about me and still stabbed me in the back, it meant that I was so pathetic in her eyes that she thought she could screw some guy named Dixon and still keep me on her leash.

“Even if you thought we had a future, you don’t give a fuck about me,” I said. “But I do.” Her eyes dazzled with a bit of hope, and I realized that it was all even worse than I’d imagined. She wanted to be freed of responsibility. She couldn’t accept that she could have been wrong and she hated me for not letting her have her way. “I fell for you hard, Jen,” I said. “I fell because that’s what I do.”

“Babe,” she said in a softer voice. “We can work it out, right?”

I snorted. “There is absolutely no way we will ever work this out.”

Her mouth fell open for a heartbeat. Then, as she came to her senses, she pursed her lips.

“I’m out,” I said. “Good luck with Dixon. You’ll never see me again, Jennifer.”

I turned on my heels, crushing what remained of that chocolate in my left fist. I was out before she could say a word. As the door shut behind my back, I heard a flurry of words that were designed to stab me. “If you could get your dick up, maybe I wouldn’t need to fuck a Tinder match.”

One time, I replied angrily and silently to myself. It happened one fucking time. It had been a stressful day. I’d had a heated conversation with my mom just twenty minutes before. I hadn’t been in the mood for sex. I had only wanted someone to hug me. But she wouldn’t get me back in there to fight. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of having that fight.

It was time for me to walk away. She had done her part. It was my turn to lick my wounds and heal if there was any chance to heal. But I wouldn’t do it in front of her.

As I walked out of her building, the entire world spun around me. I wanted to go somewhere where I would be accepted for once. Appreciated. But there was nobody who loved me unconditionally. There was nobody who could provide the comfort and safety for me to just let it out. Except Tyler.

I tightened the walls around my heart. All I had to do was get back to the team house, to my room, and into my bed. Then, I could let myself be a beaten dog, a pathetic door mat, and a useless sack of despair. Because Tyler would be there. And Tyler wouldn’t blink an eye at it.

He would know how to help me.

Tyler always knew.

Chapter Two

TYLER

I watched my best friend’s back as he receded through the gathering crowd at the Thinker. He had spent his people tolerance reserves tonight. He needed the silence.