Page 21 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 2

Silence. It felt like it would never end. When I inhaled, it was a wheeze. I set my glass on the table next to his and carefully turned to face him. “Look, this was nice. I mean it. The whole thing. The limo, the houseboat, the dinner. And you’re sweet for making sure it was vegetarian just because you forgot to ask on time.” I held my hands together because a brief shiver passed down my arms. My fingertips tingled. “But this can’t happen.”

Grayson frowned slightly and cocked his head. “Why not?”

I held a breath of air as I sorted through my thoughts. My hands were on my knees suddenly and I leaped up. I walked across the room to the massive glass windows. The soft orange lights inside were strong enough to turn the blackness of the night into a mirror. I saw my reflection in the window and the emotionless expression I carried for everyone to see. “I’m…messed up, somehow. I’m weird. I can’t…” I paused.

“Whoa, hold on,” Grayson said. His feet thudded along the wooden floor as he neared me. “What are you talking about? Weird, how?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. Bitter disappointment filled me. In my fear of fucking it up, I fucked it up. Great.

“Because I disagree,” Grayson said. “You’re wrong. You’re not weird at all. And you’re not messed up, Avery. If I did something to upset you, I apologize. I wish I knew what it was, though.”

I shook my head. “It’s not you. Seriously, you did nothing wrong. I’m a mess, actually. I, uh…” How much worse could I make it? The whole thing was already a total blunder. I’d wasted a shot with someone who seemed like a pretty good guy. I turned to face him. “Grayson, I’m not going to sleep with you. I don’t know what my problem is, but I know I’m not into it. And forcing it is only gonna make things worse. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I hated it.”

Grayson’s tiny frown played on his eyebrows. “Is that what this is about?”

“I wasted your time,” I said flatly. “I’m sorry.”

His shoulders relaxed and I realized how tense he had been. He laughed softly, then louder. “Seriously? Jesus, Avery. I thought there was a problem. I thought I said something stupid. I can’t always trust my mouth, you know. It’s just that?”

“I mean, isn’t that why we’re here? And don’t just be polite for the sake of it.” I was looking at the relief that washed over his face.

“That’s absolutely my bad,” he admitted. “I should have realized what message it sends. And hey, I figured, if things go well, who knows? Maybe? But if you think that’s the reason I wanted to go out with you, you’re wrong. Getting you to come around was more work than any hook-up deserves.” He laughed harder. “And there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to sleep with a guy on your first date. Come. Sit.” He put a hand on my shoulder, and I adored the warmth, strength, and courage it lent me.

I followed him back to the sofa and we sat a little closer. “You don’t mind?” I asked. My voice was tight and reserved like I expected it to be a prank.

“Mind? I actually like it. It’s better that way. All I wanted was to get to know you. And to show you that I’m not just your worst nightmare and a superior hockey player. I’m also kind of a nice guy who is interested in you.” He licked his lips quickly. “There are so many other things we could be doing, Avery. It doesn’t have to be that.”

“I don’t know. Social cues fly over my head. I look around, and it feels like it’s sex first, exchanging names second, and maybe appearing in public if we’re serious about it.” I lifted my glass and drank a little.

“That’s a good way of putting it,” Grayson said, chuckling. “I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t plan for it. I didn’t prepare for it. It was on the periphery of possibilities.”

Each word he said was a new level of relief to me. “You’re not just saying that because I freaked out?”

He shook his head while looking into my eyes. And I believed him. “Not even a little. I like you. I’d like to hang out more often. And I think that’s as far as I want to plan. Do what feels right, huh?”

I nodded. Exhaling was like waking up from a nightmare. I found myself in a nice, safe place. “You’re a good guy, Grayson. I appreciate it.”

“I’m glad you think that.” He had some of his wine and relaxed. He leaned back and eyed me. “You said you didn’t know what it was. You sounded like…I dunno, like you’re worried.”

I thought about it briefly. “Sort of. A little. It’s like, whenever I went out with someone, and we went to their place, and we did the thing, it never felt right. It’s like I missed something important. Even if everything went well, I still felt like we lacked something huge, and I would just leave after showering and never look back.”

Grayson nodded with understanding plain in his eyes. “Been there.”

“I’m not asexual. I think. I’ve got the drive.” I stopped talking. He didn’t need to hear about it. Even today, when we exchanged a few photos, I felt it. I’d felt that spark.

“Tell me if I’m crossing the line. I don’t want to intrude. But did you ever think it might be about the emotional connection?” He looked at me hopefully and with pure interest. “Even I know sex is better when you like the person you’re with. And I don’t mean physically. I mean, when you like their soul.”

Something in me wanted to trust him completely. And when he shifted and leaned toward me, I knew it was his innocent curiosity and nothing else. “Maybe,” I said. I thought about it, but it was hard to put my finger on it.

“You might be demisexual. Just throwing that out there. I’m not saying I know best. Maybe you need to meet someone and get to know them. Maybe you need to trust them and like them.” He laughed a little nervously. “It’s not like I’m hoping to be the lucky one.”

My heart picked up the pace at his words. He’d said them in such a cute tone that even I couldn’t miss their real meaning. “You weren’t kidding,” I said and looked at his handsome face. “You like me.”

Fire blazed in his eyes. “I knew I’d get that through your head eventually.”

I chuckled softly. It was a sound I wasn’t used to making, yet I’d done it more times than I could count tonight.

At that moment, I knew with absolute certainty that I could trust him. I knew he wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I knew he wouldn’t misinterpret it. I knew he would take it the way I was giving it. And he would understand what it meant.