Page 66 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 1

“Unless you lost a baseball bat up your butt, you’re gonna have to try harder,” Sawyer said. He fell onto my bed, legs spread casually. His black cargo pants were tucked inside his Doc Martens with red laces. His back rested against the wall and the Christmas lights gave him a halo. He didn’t even blink at suggesting there was a baseball bat up my ass while I needed to claw at the armrests of my chair as the words rang through my skull. It was like he was intentionally embarrassing me. “Wiggle your shoulders.”

I made circles with my shoulders and tried again, harder, when I saw visible dismay on his face.

“Better,” Sawyer said. “Slouch a little, but, like, without slouching. You know?”

“I…really don’t know,” I said, leaning against one armrest, then the other, then leaning back and forth, looking for some position.

“When were you on your last date?” Sawyer asked, a little more somber.

“Um, a while ago,” I lied.

“How did that happen?” he asked.

“Grindr.” Another lie. But it was an easy one to swallow.

He cringed. “And how did that go?”

“Not…great.” I didn’t need to invent much. The fact I was incapable of speaking of these things was already plain. As was the apparent fact that my wardrobe was doing me more harm than good. “I’m not a people person,” I said. It was true.

“Grindr isn’t a people place,” Sawyer said, waving his hand dismissively. “The rules are all different. People greet each other with dick pics. Not that I’m judging, but it sort of kills the fun for me. I like the chase, the flirting, the seduction. Jumping into someone’s bed when you’ve already seen their dangly bits ruins the thrill. There’s no mystery in it.”

“Uh-huh.” I agreed in theory. The one attempt at hookup apps had been enough to inform me I was not that kind of a guy. No shade on those guys, but I also wanted to catch someone’s eyes from across the room, push and pull for a while, see if there’s chemistry before taking it elsewhere.

“Have you ever picked someone up at a bar? Or let someone pick you up?” Sawyer was all matter-of-fact about it, like that was something ordinary. I guess it was for him.

“Um, no. Never. Like I said, I’m not…”

“Friendly? Forward? Extroverted? Got it. We’ll make do with what we have.” He stretched his lips into a smile.

I sucked my teeth and directed my gaze right at him. “You know what? You’re kind of a dick.”

He snapped his fingers and pointed at me, his smile morphing into a grin. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“That. How do you grow a pair when you need to bite back?” He was way too amused by this.

“I swear to God, I’ll send your ass out and eat ice cream on the day you drop out.” I crossed my arms as I leaned back. We were on my turf, after all.

He just wagged his finger. “Maybe that’s who you are,” he said. The excitement that was rising on his face reminded me of Archimedes spilling the excess water from the bath and discovering how to test whether the king’s gold was real or not. Except, Archimedes ran naked all across the city before the idea evaded him and there were no hints that Sawyer would be undressing any time soon. “Maybe we should build your brand around that. Because you are a coy fucker. Just don’t take it so far because, like I said, it scares people off.”

“So far, you’ve told me to be scary, but not too scary; welcoming but unapproachable; attractive but without trying. I’m genuinely not sure if you’re teaching me or making fun of me.” I didn’t let my gaze waver before him.

He nodded like he understood. “I’m not making fun of you. These lessons are all I have to save my ass. I’ll make you the most desirable guy on campus if that’s what it takes to save my career. Now, focus. Narrow your eyes. Give me a pout. Never fix your glasses with the back of your hand or with one finger pushing the bridge. Instead, take the frame with two fingers and fix them like you mean it.” As he spoke, he moved to the edge of the bed, pumping me up for my grand fixing of the glasses.

I furrowed the space between my eyebrows and did as I was told.

“Hawt,” Sawyer said firmly. I couldn’t tell if he was kidding. “You’re not just a brainiac nerd next door. Hell no. You’re a lean, mean, fuck-machine. Say it.”

“I would literally rather jump out of the window than utter those words,” I said.

“Fine. But keep saying it internally. And believe it. You’ve got a little beard shadow on your chin and a hint of a mustache. Your hair is messy.” He was scanning my entire body.

“I mean, I’ll fix it. I just showered.” I hadn’t realized I would need to be in my best shape for the first lesson.

“What? Oh no, these are the positives. Keep it like that. It’s stylish, but casual. Like you don’t care that you didn’t shave or that your hair’s perfect the moment you wake up. Wear it like it’s precisely what you wanted and the pillow made it because you’re a dude who gets what he wants.” He was nodding harder as he spoke, getting more into it with every word. “Let’s see your wardrobe. Go and put your best outfit on.”

I exhaled with dread, then dragged my ass to the closet and began rummaging through my clothes. My dark blue pants were the best fit I had according to Matt, but they stuck to my legs and packed everything way too tightly. I preferred the comfort of sweats or baggy jeans.