Page 19 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 1

My silence was all the confirmation he needed. He tore off his helmet and revealed his heated cheeks. His blond hair was matted and darker now that sweat had dampened it. His cold gaze was like fury and it rubbed me the wrong way. I pressed my stick against the ice and slid toward him until we were barely a couple of inches apart. “You’re risking both our careers just because you’re a brat, Riley.”

“Screw you, Cameron.” He pouted and my vision narrowed, a dark vignette framing it and Riley glowing in the center. I wanted to grab him, and shake him.

“You’re effectively screwing me already, Riley.” I leaned in until I could feel the heat of his face on mine. “And if you want to tank your future because of this, be my guest, but I won’t be dragged down with you.” I glared at him as he opened his mouth to speak, then continued. “I know you don’t actually want to destroy yourself, Brooks. So get off your high horse and play, dammit. Can you do that much?”

He chewed his lower lip as his face hardened. This moment of silence felt like an awkward eternity. A brief tremor passed around the corners of his mouth and he frowned. “How is this so easy for you, Cam?”

I clenched my jaw. He was relentless. “Why is it so hard for you?” I asked coldly.

An air of determination passed over him as I relaxed a little and pulled back from him. “I don’t know,” he said in a flat tone.

He truly wasn’t over it all. He hadn’t forgiven me, but he’d never given me a chance to explain, either. I opened my mouth, although I had no clue where I was heading with this, and inhaled to speak.

“Sorry, guys, I’m going to have to leave you to practice on your own,” Heller said, rushing back in. “It’s my wife. We’re having a baby.” His voice was ecstatic and Riley and I managed to exchange a confused look before spilling awkward congratulations and wishing them well. Heller barely noticed us as he collected his things from the bench and dangled the keys before us. “Murray said to leave these with you. Lock up when you’re done. Or he will. Not sure what he said. Sorry. Gotta go.” Frantically, Heller picked up the folder and his backpack, then ran out.

Riley and I stood still, dumbfounded, and let the realization sink in. Coach Murray still expected us to do these drills.

I exhaled and yanked the helmet back on my head.

“What are you doing?” Riley cocked his head to one side.

I spread my arms and shrugged guilelessly. “Let’s just play.”

“Play? I, um…” He moved the helmet around in his hands, then gave in. “What the hell,” he sighed and pulled the helmet on. We left the puck in the middle of the rink and skated in opposite directions. What followed next was forty-five minutes of blood-thirsty battling, skirmishes, and body checks.

For a short while, as sweat, fire, and ice mixed and merged, I forgot who he was. Hell, I forgot who I was. I forgot the way I had felt for the past three years. I forgot the hopes that had led me back to Michigan. I forgot the bitter disappointment when none of the things I’d expected came to pass. The only thing that mattered, for a little while, was the rubber disk sliding between Riley and me.

We weren’t keeping a score, for once. We had tried, in the first few minutes, but we soon lost count. And so, we let a short while pass. We let this thing play out and we struggled to outdo the other, but there was something so profoundly different that I was certain Riley felt it too.

It was fun.

It was pure, swaggering fun as we whirled and skated and slammed each other against the boards. There was no anger in me when I hard checked him. In fact, pinning him against the boards and getting our helmets to bump against one another only gave me a glimpse of a time long gone. Way back in our senior year of high school, when the first feelings of attraction and excitement had emerged, I had been craving these moments like a starving man. I had been dying for body checks like these just to feel Riley Brooks on me.

The excitement and fun of the game returned to me in this silly little exercise. And when we were heaving for air and dripping with sweat that would soon freeze on our faces, I took my helmet off and grinned from across the rink.

I didn’t know what the hell I expected. The bubble in which we had existed for the better part of the last hour burst as soon as the game was over. Riley spotted me, but turned away and headed for the locker room instead.

I skated quickly to the other end of the rink and took my skates off as soon as I could. In the locker room, still adjusting to standing on my own two feet, I found Riley partially undressed. The eerie silence of this place felt like reality was slightly altered. Normally, this place was brimming with guys who had a lot to say. Now, there was nothing. Just the tearing of velcro filled the locker room with a rapturing sound.

As quickly as we had fallen into the good old fun of hockey, we had fallen back into the awkward, agitated silence just as fast. Riley stripped down to his underwear and grabbed a towel from his locker, then walked away.

I told myself there was no reason for me to care. We’d shared an hour on ice that wasn’t as hate-filled as all the other moments we had had to endure this month. It wasn’t groundbreaking.

Bit by bit, I removed my gear and clothes, then took my own towel and went into the shower. Riley’s cabin was releasing steam like the Orient Express at full speed and my heart tripped in the moment when I considered my earlier thoughts. He was probably just sulking in there, his eyebrows flat over his eyes and his lips thrust out. But he was also naked.

I shut myself in the stall a couple doors away from him and turned on the shower. It splashed against my skin, chasing away the cold of the rink but failing to push aside my sinful thoughts of Riley.

I told myself it was just the odd feeling of an empty shower room after practice. I told myself it was just the remnants of days gone. But I knew I was fooling myself. He’d asked me how it was so easy for me and I had given him a non-answer.

I soaped myself up, then rinsed, and by the time I was done, Riley was wrapping up, too. I quickly dabbed myself with the towel, then wrapped it around my waist. It was tight and long, reaching below my knees.

We got out of our stalls at the same time, Riley lost in a thick cloud of steam. He was pink with heat and his hair was almost brown. He glanced at me, then made a point of not looking at me again as he walked out of the shower, but that brief moment had been enough. He hadn’t caught my eyes; instead, he’d scanned my torso. And it was enough to make my heart clench. It was enough to make me want to reach out to the hellfire that his feelings for me had become. I didn’t mind my flesh and bones melting if only I could graze his body with my fingers one more time.

I closed my eyes and fought these wild ideas back. But when I walked out, Riley was standing dull and almost lost in the locker room, his towel wrapped tightly around his waist, too. He hadn’t started changing yet.

I swallowed and walked up to my locker. It was just an excuse because they were next to each other. I was actually walking up to Riley and I opened my mouth before I could think this through. “It’s not easy.”

Riley turned to me. “Huh?”