Page 134 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 1

It cleared my head slightly to feel the cold wind and watch the endless surface of the lake blurring with the sky on the horizon. Caden seemed somber moving around the room. And yet, as I closed my eyes, the moment of making out with him at the door replayed itself in my mind. Every smear of lips on lips and each thrust of our hips made me increasingly more restless.

I didn’t know if I could sleep with him. I didn’t know if I was into guys, just one guy, or if I was horny and kinky enough to come hard at any sexual act.

I let out a long sigh, then folded my lips, licked them, and popped them idly. Thinking in circles wouldn’t get me anywhere. And we had a game to win tomorrow, so I could afford a few distractions. Considering the many things on my mind, it wasn’t the most convenient situation.

Slowly, I came to terms with the dead end of my predicament.

It was time to let go. If there were something to figure out, it would come on its own. And if not, then all this mess was just a series of tiny mistakes that made themselves seem more important than they were.

On that note, I pushed myself back from the railing and into the room. I pulled the curtain over the balcony door. Caden had lit the lamps while I was on the balcony. The room had a warm aura of tranquility. I had no doubt it was commonly used for romantic getaways. The dinghies in the harbor had their white sails fluttering in the wind, the water was vast and calming, and the balcony was perfect for a guy to step out and wrap his arms around the person they desired the most. I could see countless couples creating fiery memories in this room. It left a taste of envy in my mouth. All I got was a confusing memory of using my finger in a way I’d never imagined.

Caden stepped out of the bathroom simultaneously as my heart dropped into my stomach. I’d forgotten about one thing.

And Caden held it in his hand when he directed a questioning gaze at my face.

“Beckett?” he said in a softer voice than he’d ever used with me.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. He held the detached shower head in his right hand, frowning as he examined it.

“What were you doing while I was out?” he asked. His deep green eyes met mine, and for once, there was no judgment in them. He demanded an answer, but curiosity sparked in his emeralds. “It doesn’t look broken to me, but it’s off the hose. The only reason I could imagine…”

I broke in. “Nothing. I was doing…nothing.”

I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen him pull this smile at me. It was a casual, knowing smile he’d used with friends but not with enemies. “It evokes memories, that’s all.”

I wasn’t sure if I could blush any harder. “It’s not what you think.”

Caden threw his head back and laughed. “How would you know what I think?” He tossed the showerhead on the armchair and crossed his arms.

I wanted to kick myself for giving the game away so stupidly. “If you must know…” I shifted my weight from one leg to the other to conceal what this interaction was doing to my body. Even like this, the sexual tension and the pull of his attractiveness dulled me to everything else. I was on fire already, but didn’t mind feeling more heat. I’d stumbled in my speech long enough for Caden to interrupt me.

“You’re not straight, right? What are you? Curious? Bi?” he asked, stepping toward me.

I frowned in reply. “Curious.” The word was a whisper before I shook my head. “I don’t know what I am.”

“This is so fucking infuriating. Do you know that?” He tightened his hold on his torso, arms wrapping like he was chilly.

I shrugged. “I’m spiteful. I’m hateful. I’m hella vengeful. Gay? I don’t know, Jones. As you said, I’ve never even been with a guy.”

“Oh, but you’re happy to leave little clues that you want to be with one,” he said with contempt and boredom. He moved toward me and I shifted toward him. It was a signature move between the two of us. Like two bulls, neither would give ground. “I don’t want to play these games, Beckett.”

He was an ass if he thought I’d left that out on purpose. “I’m not playing games with you,” I said, my voice airy even though I was trying to sound annoyed. We were inches apart. I stared at him. I was just slightly taller than Caden so that he couldn’t look straight into my eyes, but needed to lift his gaze.

“And I’m supposed to believe that?” he asked. “You kissed me, then ghosted me for a week. Now you’re hinting you’re ready for more. How stupid do you think I am?”

I narrowed my eyes and leaned in just enough for my chest to touch his. “I wasn’t dropping hints, Jones. Can’t you pull your head out of your ass for a moment? Your annoying lectures make me kiss you because it’s the only way to make you shut up.” I added the last sentence as a last-ditch effort to spark a different fight. It was my only chance of distracting him.

He snorted, but when he inhaled, it came as a wheeze. He was heated, too, and not just from walking. His face was turning pink and he was deliberately trying to look away from me or look only into my eyes.

“Jesus,” I huffed. “A guy shows you that he wants you and all you do is roll your eyes and bark at him.”

“You’re not making any sense,” he said in a tight voice. “Either you want me or you don’t. Make up your mind.”

“What difference does it make?” I demanded, letting my body be pulled into him. It was an aggressive move, but it felt a lot like attraction. “You want nothing to do with me. You don’t do bi-curious teammates, remember?”

“You’re just confused, Beckett,” Caden said slowly. There was disappointment on his face and it added to my pile of confusion.

I eyed him for a while. The silence was heavy between us. Each breath either of us drew, seemed like the loudest sound I’d ever heard. “About a lot of things, maybe. Yeah.” Despite a very recent orgasm, despite the fear of pain and discomfort, and the lack of understanding, I wanted to try this crazy thing with him. Caden’s blush grew stronger. His eyes dared a glance down my torso. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth like he was holding something back. And I knew, in one moment of clarity, what it was. I reached and seized the top of his shirt. “But not about this.” The harsh whisper rolled over my lips as I pulled him in.