Page 100 of Arctic Titans of Northwood U: Volume 1

I figured that was invitation enough. I was ecstatic, but I covered it up with a straight-ish tone and a bro-like nod when I entered the house. The guy at the kitchen island looked familiar from the ice. Partridge, I was sure.

“Hey,” I said, no longer passing for straight. What the hell was that instinct to hide from straight guys? To draw as little attention as possible, I guessed. I sighed to myself, then licked my lips. “I’m Sawyer’s friend. Is he around?”

“Yeah, I think I saw you with him,” the tall, floppy-haired guy said. He looked like there was a permanent pout on his lips, though his eyes were self-satisfied, like he knew my deepest, darkest secrets and how to use them against me. I wasn’t sure I liked him. “You’re his tutor.”

“Right,” I said. Not for much longer, I hope, I thought. If my wish came true, I would be a little more than that. I hoped to seal it with a kiss under the starry sky and stop hiding. I hoped to be more than his physics tutor or his dating pupil. I wanted the whole thing if he would give it to me. And the only way to know for sure was to toss the dice and hope for the best.

“He’s in his room. I saw him go in.” Partridge pointed to the top of the staircase.

I thanked him, then headed up. It was only when I reached the middle of the staircase that I remembered I should have asked which room was his. I knew, but now this guy knew that I knew.

This is why I hate sneaking around, I thought. It was too late to turn and ask now, so I went up and to the right, approaching the end of the hallway.

I lifted my fist to knock on Sawyer’s door but paused when I heard voices.

The muffled voice belonged to Sawyer, and he was audibly agitated. “…his own good. He’s, uh… He’s not like us, Avery. He doesn’t screw around.”

“I don’t understand,” the other guy, Avery, said. “You want a boyfriend who screws around?”

I should have turned away then. I knew I should have. And it shamed me that I stood still. They were talking about me. I couldn’t discern what they were truly saying, but Avery mentioned a boyfriend. That word… It nearly tugged on the corners of my lips until I heard Sawyer snap again.

“No. I don’t want him to be my boyfriend. He’s too inexperienced for a relationship,” he said, and I felt a pit open in my stomach. “It’s too soon. He’s definitely not ready for something like that. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m ready. Or if I’ll ever be.”

“That’s a tough one.”

My ears rang, and my face heated up. I wasn’t supposed to be hearing this.

And he wasn’t supposed to be saying it, either.

It wasn’t fair.

“‘That’s a tough one?’ Is that all you have to say after dragging it out of me?”

“I’m thinking,” Avery said. “You need to tell him.”

“Out of the question.” The determined tone of his voice fractured whatever was left intact in my chest. Surely, my heart was in smithereens.

“I don’t see another way,” Avery said.

“I see another way.”

The ringing drowned out whatever else he might have said. I spun away as fast as I could, trembling and wanting to scream. I descended the stairs as much as I tumbled down them, not caring whether I tripped and fell or knocked that intimidatingly straight guy off his feet.

I raced across the ground floor.

“Wh-what happened?” Partridge — or whatever the hell his name was — asked.

I heard movement far behind me, doors opening, but I was already leaving, and I shut the door after me. It was only after I had left the front yard and made my way swiftly toward the dormitory that I let myself breathe.

A shudder thundered out of me. This was why I’d been holding my breath. I couldn’t trust myself to make a sound without collapsing. I covered my face and paused, letting the trembling wave pass through me, then balled my fists and straightened my arms by my sides.

What the hell had I been expecting? That someone like Sawyer would want to be serious with me? As if! I had nothing to offer but overblown dreams that had no basis in reality. He was one of the most popular guys on campus. And I had been a virgin until he’d pitied me enough to help me be rid of it.

I stormed the dormitory and marched ahead. The bitterness that covered my tastebuds was of my own making. How could I have let this happen? I was smarter than this. I should have known there would be no future here.

I gritted my teeth and decided against shutting myself off in my room.

Perhaps tonight, I could wish to erase the last few months from my memory. And if there were any justice in this cold, dying universe, that wish would come true.