Page 89 of Secrets on Ice

“You heard me.” My voice cracked. “Kevin slept with Rachel. He gave her something that was supposed to be mine. I don’t want him to have it. He doesn’t deserve my virginity, but I also don’t want to give it to some random either. I want to give it to someone who cares about me. Someone I trust.”

He swallowed hard. “Em … I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Please.” I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge. “I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend. I just … I want my first time to mean something.”

“I’m not sure I’m worthy though,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I do. You’re one of my closest friends. I know you would never hurt me. Plus, from what I hear you … um …” I bit my bottom lip. “You know what you’re doing.”

His brows rose. “Is that so?” He chuckled.

“That’s what I’ve heard around school.”

“Didn’t realize people were talking.” He frowned.

“It’s all good,” I reassured him. “Look, you would be doing me a favor. I’m so sick of having this virginity thing hanging over my head. I kind of want it over and done with.”

“That shouldn’t be a reason to have sex though,” he told me.

I rolled my eyes. “If you don’t want to sleep with me, I get it. You’re into cheerleaders and things …” I told him. As I went to get up off his bed, he reached out and grabbed my wrist.

“That’s not what I am saying, Em.”

“Then what?”

“I want you to be certain. I don’t want you to regret it or me.”

Oh.

“Never,” I confessed to him.

He looked at me for a long moment, eyes soft, and then he nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. “But only if you’re sure.”

I nodded, heart racing.

He pulled me into his arms, kissing me gently at first, then deeper as I climbed onto his lap. His hands shook as he touched me, like he was afraid he’d break me. We were both clumsy, clothes coming off in awkward tugs, laughter mixing with nerves when his elbow hit the lamp. When he finally pushed inside me, it hurt, but he stopped immediately, and whispered, “Did I hurt you?” I bit my lip and shook my head.

“Don’t stop,” I begged him.

And he didn’t.

Afterward, he held me close, stroking my hair while I snuggled into his chest.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered.

I laugh softly in the dark, pressing my face into my pillow. History really is repeating itself. Except this time, Sully isn’t the nervous boy he was back then. He’s a man, a filthy, confident man who just made me come so hard I saw stars. And instead of feeling used or guilty, I feel hungry, like one taste wasn’t enough. I roll over, squeezing my thighs together, still feeling the ghost of his fingers inside me.

I want more.

I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to go get it.

The next morning, I come out of my room later than usual, still feeling the aftershocks of last night humming under my skin. I feel … different, lighter, as if I just got rid of something heavy weighing me down.

Yeah, an ex-husband.

My body is sore in the best way, sensitive and aware, and there’s a glow in my cheeks I can’t hide no matter how much I try. Cassidy is already at the kitchen island, scrolling on her phone. She looks up when I walk in, and her eyebrows shoot up.

“Wow, you look happy this morning.”