Page 19 of Secrets on Ice

“Hey, now, it’s just a couple of things to get you two back on your feet.”

“It’s so kind of you.”

“It’s nothing really. Also, Collette is coming over with take-out, Thai, I think she’s ordered, and we’re going to have a girls’ night in,” Jo tells me. “Go freshen up and we can drink champagne and shit talk men.” She smiles as she hands me a bag load of clothes.

I take the clothes with Cassidy, and we both go and freshen up. By the time we are dressed in new clothes that fit perfectly, Collette is in the living room, the coffee table is filled with goodies, and a bottle of champagne is being popped.

“Hey,” Collette says, looking up and seeing us here. “I got you two something.” She rushes into the kitchen and brings out two bunches of flowers. “I thought it might cheer you up.” She smiles.

“Thank you,” I tell her as my eyes get wet again.

“Come on, let’s dig in, I’m starving,” Jo says.

We place the flowers back onto the kitchen counter and join the ladies in the living room. It’s been cleaned up of our mess from today, and fresh blankets have been laid out. It’s the little things I’m starting to notice.

Jo pours us each a glass of champagne. “Now, I’m not sure what we should be cheering to, but we just want you two beautiful women to know that this isn’t your fault, that you didn’t deserve what happened to you, and that life will one day feel better even though right now it is shit.”

We cheers to her kind words, and I throw back the bubbles before we start hooking into the food. Moments later, as if their noses led them here, Emmett and Sully appear in the doorway.

“Something smells good,” Emmett says, rubbing his belly. He comes over and kisses Jo on the temple.

“I’m starved,” Sully adds.

“No,” Collette tells them. “This is girls’ night. You can go to my place where I’ve left your food.” The boys seem surprised. “I got Thai for you guys, too. Now shoo, before Justin eats it all,” she tells them.

“Well then, guess we are off to Fish’s,” the boys say as they walk back out the front door and down the corridor to Collette and Justin’s apartment.

"Finally," Collette mutters. "Now we can actually talk."

Jo tops up everyone's champagne.

"We are your mental health helpers tonight,” Collette explains.

Cassidy and I look at her, confused.

“What she’s saying is, you guys probably are overwhelmed with everything, but now is the time to be smart. We learned this the hard way with Pierre after he ran out on Kitty at their wedding.”

That’s right, I remember hearing about that.

“He wasn’t in the best headspace to deal with the fallout, and we were there for him. We want to do the same with you guys,” Collette adds as she curls her legs underneath herself. "So ..." She looks between us. "How are you really doing?"

The question hangs there.

I stare down into my champagne glass. "I feel ..." The words refuse to come, "... empty." Nobody interrupts. "I keep thinking yesterday wasn't real." Cassidy nods beside me. "Like I’m expecting to wake up at any moment."

Jo reaches over and squeezes my knee. "I know."

"I don't think you do." The words come out sharper than I mean them to. Immediately, guilt crashes into me. "I'm sorry."

Jo shakes her head. "You don't have to apologize."

"No ..." I rub my forehead. "I just ..." I finally look up. "Our whole future disappeared in about thirty seconds yesterday." Silence fills the space. "I don't know who I am without him." The confession feels ugly and embarrassing as tears fall across my cheeks.

Collette is the first to answer. "You're still Ember."

I blink as I try to wipe the tears away.

"You've always been Ember."