Page 156 of Secrets on Ice

“Lying down.” She looks at me. “What’s wrong?”

“I signed a lease.”

She blinks. “You what?”

“Just now. There’s a furnished unit free one floor up. I signed for it and got the keys. It’s short term for the moment, but …”

“Sully!” She sets down the mug in her hand. “What are you talking about? Move out? Why would you … this is your home. Why on earth would you move out?”

“Because I have to, Cass.”

“I know things aren’t great right now, but moving out. Talk to me, please.” She looks shocked and hurt. “Is this about the scratches? Because, Sully, she would die if she thought you were leaving over that, you know she …”

“I heard what she said.”

Cassidy stops. “Heard what?”

“I came home early from the gym, and you two were on the couch. I wasn’t trying to listen, I just … I heard her, Cass.” My voice isn’t quite steady. Her face changes as she realizes what I’m saying. “I heard her tell you that men scare her now.” I make myself say it. “All of them, even me. That I’m a …” My throat closes, but I force it out. “That I’m a trigger.”

“Oh, Sully …” Cass walks over and hugs me.

“And she’s right.” I keep going before she can soften it. “She’s not wrong, Cass. I’m a man who’s in her space, and her body can’t tell the difference in the dark. Every night I’m in this apartment I’m making it harder for her, not easier. I heard it in her voice. She can’t heal with me down the hall. So, I’m taking myself out of the equation.”

“No, that is not what she meant …”

“It’s exactly what she meant. And it’s okay.” Nothing about it is okay. “I’m not upset with her, I could never be upset with her. But I can’t sit here every night being the thing that scares her. I can’t do it, Cass. I can’t be another reason she’s not getting better.” Cassidy’s eyes are filling up. “So, I have to go,” I say, quieter now. “I can’t stay, not for me but for her. She needs this apartment to feel safe, and it can’t feel safe with me in it. So, I’m going one floor up, and you two are going to have this place to yourselves. She never has to worry about walking out of her room and running into a man in the dark.”

Cassidy opens her mouth. And then I see her eyes move, past me, over my shoulder, to the hallway.

And everything in me goes cold.

I turn around and Ember’s standing there. She’s in an old T-shirt with her hair loose, and her face is white. I don’t know how long she’s been there, but I know from her eyes that it’s been long enough. Long enough to hear all of it.

“Em,” I say.

She doesn’t say anything. She just stands there, looking at me, with tears welling in her eyes, and there’s something breaking across her face that I would give anything to take back. I realize the one thing I was trying to spare her from, knowing she’s the reason I’m going, I’ve just done anyway, out loud, in our kitchen.

“Em, I …”

“You heard me,” she whispers.

I can’t lie to her, not about this, not to her face. “Yeah,” I say. “I heard you.”

44

EMBER

Ionly came out for a glass of water. That’s the stupid part. I heard voices, but I wasn’t even really listening. I was half-asleep and thirsty, and then I heard my name and the word trigger, and I stopped in the hallway. I couldn’t move.

‘I’m taking myself out of the equation. She can’t heal with me down the hall.’

I stand there, listening to Sully tell his sister that he’s leaving his own home because of me, and my chest cracks straight down the middle.

“Em,” he says when he turns and sees me.

I can’t speak, there’s too much, all at once, and none of it will come out.

“You heard me,” I whisper.