Page 152 of Secrets on Ice

Cassidy: I understand you care about her, but right now she’s not her normal self.

Sully: I just want to help.

Cassidy: I know. And I love you for that, but things are delicate. If you can’t be normal, then go to bed.

I lock the phone, put it face down, and try to keep my eyes on the television and off the woman at the other end of the couch.

It lasts a little while, then Ember shifts under her blanket, tucks her feet up, and lets out this small, soft breath, almost content, the closest thing to peaceful I’ve seen on her face since I walked in. I look again, and this time she catches me. Our eyes hold for a second, but it’s like she is looking through me, and then she turns back to the TV, no recognition that I’m there.

It stings, I’m not going to lie.

“Right, I’m beat. I’m going to bed.” I stand, taking my rubbish into the kitchen.

“Night. I’ll clean up before bed,” Cass tells me.

Ember doesn’t say anything.

43

SULLY

Idon’t know what time it is when it starts. I’m not really asleep, I haven’t been sleeping properly all week, so I’m already half-awake when I hear it. A sound through the wall, small at first, a whimper, I thought I imagined it.

Then it isn’t small.

She cries out, muffled, frightened, and I’m up and out of my bed, because I know that sound is wrong. I know it in my gut, and I’m down the hall and shoving her door open. The light from the hall spills across her bed. She’s tangled in the sheets, still asleep, her head thrashing side to side, and she’s saying ‘no, no, no,’ over and over, her hands pushing at something that isn’t there. Her face is screwed up in pure terror, and there are tears streaking down her temples into her hair.

“Em.” I go to the side of the bed, keeping my voice as low and steady as I can. “Em, wake up, it’s just a dream, you’re safe …”

She lets out a bone-chilling scream, thrashing harder. “No … no, get off …”

“Ember.” I reach for her shoulder, just to wake her, just to pull her out of it. “Em, it’s me, it’s Sully. You’re okay, wake up for me ...”

My hand touches her shoulder, and she comes up off that bed like she’s been electrocuted, swinging and screaming. I see it in her eyes in the half-dark, she isn’t seeing me, she’s seeing him, the man from the club, the hand on her. Every bit of terror she couldn’t fight that night comes out of her now, all at once. Her nails catch me across the cheek and neck. Hard. I feel the skin split.

“No … get off me … get off me …”

“Em, it’s me!” I get back, hands up, giving her every inch of space I can. “It’s Sully, it’s just me, no one’s going to touch you. You’re safe, you’re home …”

But she can’t hear me. She’s scrambling backward off the bed, tangled in the sheet, her back hitting the headboard, arms up to protect herself, sobbing and shaking and staring at me like I’m the worst thing in the world. I have never in my life felt so useless, standing there with my hands up watching her be terrified of me.

“Ember, please … it’s Connor, your friend.” Tears fall down my cheeks.

The overhead light snaps on and Cassidy’s in the doorway in her pajamas, hair everywhere, already moving toward Ember, pulling her into her arms and soothing her.

“It’s me, Em, it’s Cass. I’ve got you, you’re home, you’re safe. It was a dream, it was just a dream … it’s not real. It was only Connor, my brother, you know him. He would never hurt you.”

Ember’s eyes finally clear. I watch it happen as the dream clears and the reality of where she is seeps in. She sees me standing across the room, her brows pull together, and then she sees my face. The scratches and blood I know are there.

“Oh my god.” She gasps, her whole body going rigid in Cassidy’s arms. “Oh my god, Sully, your face. I … did I … oh my god, I hurt you.” Fresh tears fall down her cheeks.

“Em, it’s nothing. You were dreaming, it’s not your fault, none of this is your fault …” I keep my voice level, gentle.

“There’s blood.” She’s staring at my cheek and shaking her head, tears streaming, horror all over her. ‘” did that. I scratched you. I thought … I thought you were …” She can’t finish it. Her hands come up over her mouth. “Oh God.”

“Hey, look at me.” I take a slow step, then stop when she flinches. “I’m completely fine. I promise you. I’ve had a lot worse on the ice. It’s nothing.”

But she won’t look at me. She can’t, I can see the devastation, hurt, and embarrassment on her face. She turns her face into Cassidy’s shoulder and curls in on herself, small and shaking. Every part of me wants to cross that room and hold her, but I know it’s the one thing I can’t do. Not tonight, maybe not for a long time.