Page 25 of Grace

I didn’t get far. Chase bolted after me in an instant, like a wild animal—I could hear his footsteps pounding behind me.

I opened my mouth to scream, but he grabbed me and pressed a cloth over my face. It had a pungent, sickly-sweet smell. The fabric muffled my scream. An unfamiliar taste spread in my mouth as the smell filled my lungs in an instant.

When I woke up, I was in a bathtub filled with hot water. The room smelled clean. The water was a balm, soothing my aching body—but it also burned my wounds.

My head was throbbing. I could only keep my eyes open for short moments—through the blur, I saw him. He was washing my body with a small, round sponge.

The rough material irritated my sensitive skin, then his hand…

His hand moved downward, to the place between my legs. It washed off Mr. Miller’s urine.

I had appreciated his careful attention—until I realized his fingers had replaced the sponge. He was rubbing me, caressing me down there.

I wanted to close my legs, but a pleasant tension began to build. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I wished I could feel this for the rest of my life: it was so good that, in those minutes, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I felt as if I were floating somewhere in space—carefree. A light body. An empty mind.

I liked floating. I liked this emptiness.

“Grace.” Chase’s voice forced its way into the empty caverns of my mind, filling them with disgusting images.

I didn’t want him to talk, and I didn’t want him to speak to me. I wanted to be alone with the feeling.

My head slowly tilted to the side and bumped against the cold ceramic tiles. This cleared my head a little, but my vision remained foggy.

I felt his eyes and his breath on me, but I couldn’t see him properly—he was only a blurred shape in my vision. The feeling grew stronger. The water gently rocked against my body—it lapped against my bare breasts and splashed onto my face.

Something tore its way out of my throat.

Something dirty, something revulsive, something disgusting.

I was moaning in pleasure.

Chase did not enter my body, didn’t break my hymen or draw any blood. He was softly massaging my outer labia and my clitoris.

My lower abdomen tightened, and my heart beat faster. My veins burned. My face flushed, and an insistent desire spread through my body. Because… I wanted more of this.

My first orgasm shook me like an earthquake. It shattered my walls, tore apart the shield I thought would keep me safe. My thighs trembled, and I moaned again. Small bright dots danced behind my closed eyes.

Everything looked beautiful.

The feeling was wonderful while it lasted. And when it faded… I faded with it.

Chase

She told me I was a monster—but I was a monster she had created. She didn’t do it on purpose. Still, when I first saw her, something changed in me.

I became obsessed with her.

I had no idea I was capable of such horrible things. When I heard her cry, I felt a pang of guilt deep inside. I wanted to console her, to tell her what she meant to me… but she wouldn’t have understood. She didn’t want to hear my voice, so I said nothing.

I couldn’t have expressed the myriad emotions that filled my head and body whenever I was near her, anyway.

I was lying on the bed, staring at the weakly flickering flame of a candle, and listened as she erupted into sobs mixed with hiccups. Then I closed my eyes and let her whimpering lull me to sleep.

I’m sorry…

Chapter 3

Summer 2009