Page 107 of Chasing Gold, Catching Her

But she didn’t.

Anfisa only skated past Alisa sympathetically nodding to her, supporting with a look of quiet sadness in her eyes, but everyone here was preparing for the Olympics now, Anfisa included, working toward her own internal qualifiers and refining her choreography, and in just a couple of weeks Alisa would have to compete against her at the national selection.

Anfisa’s coach, Alyona, was also on the ice with her, watching every jump closely, and today truly was a heavy day for everyone.

Nevertheless, Alisa could only hope that they would manage to rebuild her program in time, that she would step onto the ice at the internal competition with something that would catch the judges’ attention and prove that she was worthy of being sent to the 2026 Olympics.

While they continued working through movements on the ice, Dana finally returned after setting a program for a guy named Slava, the strongest in the men’s singles group, and she skated over toward Alisa and Arkadiy with a smile, lifting her hand in greeting. They exchanged quick hellos, and Dana turned to Alisa with interest.

“Well, have you chosen a new song you want to skate to?”

“I think so… what about Sleep Token — Descending?”

“Interesting choice… I haven’t heard them before. Alright, let’s put it on and see what’s in your head for this music — improvise, but no full jumps, go into singles just to catch the rhythm, okay?” Dana nodded and glided toward the speakers to connect the track.

Her track started.

Alisa pushed off and moved toward the center of the ice, other skaters naturally drifting to the sides, carving out space for her as they continued their own elements.

She began simply, working with her hands first, almost like ballet, letting the words exist through movement before her body fully followed, and then the melody pulled her in deeper, guiding her into a camel spin that flowed down into a sit spin, her body folding and unfolding with a quiet precision as she rotated around her axis.

And then she stopped holding back.

She let herself fall into the music completely, pouring something raw into the ice — something restless and deeply unsettled — something that belonged to Tora. It felt like she was stuck.

Everything between them seemed fine, didn’t it? But there was something inside her gnawing. The track, in a strange way, carried exactly that feeling, the uncertainty and that quiet fracture beneath something that should have been whole.

Was their relationship real, fully real? Or was something missing?

Maybe it was because she still couldn’t exist openly, couldn’t be herself completely, because she had to hide, had to shrink into shadows while Tora could exist without fear, could say this is who I am without consequences.

And Alisa… Alisa had to be careful, always careful.

It felt like something had shifted in Beijing, like some invisible mechanism had clicked into place between them, and she still couldn’t understand what exactly had changed.

She had won gold. She had taken the quota. That should have been everything.

So why did it feel like something was missing?

That was what she tried to show now, through every line of her body, through every breath, through every edge cutting into the ice.

The track was slower than what she usually skated to, but maybe that was exactly what she needed. Here, she didn’t have to rush or chase elements in panic, she didn’t have to fight the clock with sweat. Here, everything could be lived through each movement.

But even so…

Her body and her heart were telling a story of their own.

When Alisa finished, she heard the skaters on the ice clapping for her and Anfisa was crying… had she really affected them that much with a simple improvisation?

Dana skated up to her and patted her on the shoulder. “There’s something in this… okay, we’ll work with it. Let’s start again.”

They began setting the updated choreography, and the skeleton of the program mostly stayed the same, which wasn’t surprising, but everything became slower, as if every movement now carried meaning instead of just filling space.

After working through it — well, only part of it, of course — Alisa was finally allowed to take a break, and for lunch she let herself collapse into sleep in the arena’s rest room.

It was Anfisa who woke her up.

“Are you going back on the ice?” she asked, raising her eyebrows and offering her a hand.