Page 101 of Chasing Gold, Catching Her

Alisa swallowed, her gaze flickering over Tora’s face. Was it really that easy for her? To just say it, to be accepted like that?

Something tightened painfully in Alisa’s chest. That would never happen for her. Not like this and definitely not so easily. It would be a loss in her own family for sure.

She pressed her lips together, holding back everything that rushed up at once, too many thoughts, too many feelings tangled together.

“I… I don’t even know what to say,” she admitted quietly.

Tora just shrugged, moving a little closer to her, brushing against her side.

“You don’t have to say anything. It was my choice.”

“No… I don’t mean that,” Alisa shook her head. “I just… I can’t do that.”

“So your parents don’t know anything about you at all?” Tora said quietly, sadness slipping into her voice.

“That’s an overstatement, but… yes, we hardly communicate. My family’s whole focus is on my sister, our traditional family values star, with her children and her perfect husband, and I’m just… a failure without kids and without a husband.” Alisa restrained herself as much as she could, closing her eyes for a moment as they slowed to a stop somewhere in the middle of the park, and Tora pulled her gently closer, burying her face in Alisa’s neck.

“I’m sorry they don’t know how amazing you are… how good you are…” Tora murmured, her lips brushing lightly against Alisa’s skin, and the soft touch made Alisa smile, though there was something bitter in it.

“Probably…”

Was she sorry that I couldn’t be truly myself with my family? Maybe, partly. But somewhere deeper… Alisa had never really been interested in the idea of family at all, not the way they saw it, not as some future machine for children and a role of a wife for a man she didn’t even know. The thought alone felt disgusting. Alisa frowned slightly at it, then tightened her arm around Tora, holding her as close as she could.

“I actually told my sister once… back in the sixth grade, that I liked a girl,” Alisa said after a moment, she was very carefully stepping through an old memory. “But she treated it like a joke, said it’s just a phase, she said it would pass, and after a while I kind of forgot about that girl and feelings, but…”

She fell silent for a second, remembering that first fragile feeling of loving the same gender. Back then, even she had thought it wasn’t serious, that it was just curiosity, just two girls figuring things out, trying to understand how to be with boys someday, like some kind of practice for a future that was already decided for them. But was it really just that?

Alisa let out a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh.

“However my sister said it wasn’t real, that it would pass, and it did, yes… I really forgot about her and everything in between. I even dated guys after that, well… I tried, as much as I could, although it never really worked. It’s just… somehow it turned out that I’ve never felt anything like this for them. Not like with you. It’s… my feelings are like, like I’m being covered by a wave of lava and ocean at the same time, like I’m burning alive, but the fire doesn’t destroy me, it gives me strength, it fills me, and it’s like stars are burning and exploding inside me, and just thinking about you creates some entirely new universe in my body, you know?”

“Wow…” Tora whispered near her ear, smiling as she avoided Alisa’s gaze for a moment. “That was the most beautiful declaration of love I’ve ever heard, Alisa…”

Alisa pressed her lips together in a slightly embarrassed smile, then let out a nervous giggle, blinking at Tora.

“You’ve described perfectly how I feel about you, you know?” Tora said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Alisa’s cheek, and then taking her hands again as they continued walking along the winding paths of the park, surrounded by deep green trees that seemed endless; small ponds shimmered here and there with fish beneath the surface, delicate bridges curved over the water, stones and flowers placed as if every detail had been carefully arranged for the sole purpose of admiring nature, and there was something almost tangible about the balance of it all, like yin and yang brought into the physical world, impossibly beautiful.

“So all is right…” Alisa whispered, and Tora nodded with a soft smile.

“Of course it’s right… we’ve merged like two galaxies into something bigger.”

“I love it when you talk about space,” Alisa smiled, feeling that familiar thrill somewhere deep in her heart.

“And I love it when you talk about space, but about me,” Tora grinned, and Alisa immediately clicked her tongue, realizing exactly what she had done.

“Of course, everything revolves around Tora Møller, you’re absolutely right, and I especially revolve around you.”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Tora said with a bright smile, squeezing Alisa’s hand a little tighter.

“Happy victory, babe.”

“Thank you, my sexy mamacita.”

“Sexy mamacita?” Tora burst into laughter, one hand pressing against her stomach.

“Yes, that’s you.”

“Well, thank you, pretty girl, you’re not bad yourself.”